


Can Nobody Hear Me?

by AllTimePhan73



Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-07-14 11:04:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 31,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16039187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: I said it before, I won't say it againLove is a game to you, it's not pretendMaybe if I fall asleep, I won't breathe rightCan nobody hear me?I've got a lot that's on my mindI cannot breatheCan you hear it, too?TW: Abuse (physical and emotional), depression, anxiety and panic attacks, self harm, alcohol abuse (basically a lot so be careful when reading).





	1. Chapter 1

Chase’s hands clenched into fists as he hit them all but gently into his head. He was sitting on the cold, tiled floor of one of the bathrooms he shared with his wife, Stacy. His two children were in their bedrooms, fast asleep and dreaming sweet dreams. There was Sammy, an erratic seven-year-old who could talk for the entire country and Alex, a 14-year-old amidst his grumpiest years who loved his own company in his bedroom. He was loud, just like his father, and had a tendency to scream at his video games whenever he was losing a battle or stuck somewhere. His wife was probably sleeping too, fantasising about how she would next mess with her husband’s head. That was the thing: she wasn’t really the best wife in the world. See, she enjoyed watching Chase suffer.

Whether it was making him cry after her hours of yelling or rendering him a trembling mess after particularly terrible fights, she enjoyed seeing him in pain. Never did she show that side of her in front of the children though. She was well aware that Chase would do anything to protect the children’s innocence and prevent them from seeing the side of Stacy he saw when he was alone with her. 

“Fuck.” Chase muttered as he exhaled and pulled his knees up to his chest. He hugged them tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. He was trying his hardest not to let out a sob but he was damn near close as his erratic inhales and exhales shook his body. Stacy would hear him if he cried too loudly and, if she did, he’d never hear the end of it. Stacy would use it as another excuse. Another excuse to make his life hell for as long as he stayed with her. He didn’t have the choice to leave either because the kids practically had tied him to the relationship. There was also a threat, silent but sure as hell implied, that Stacy would move onto their precious kids if he left.

His eyes flickered open again but that just meant there was more space for tears to free themselves onto his pale cheeks. His face had lost a lot of colour, as well as life, ever since he married and had children way too young. He had been a naive eighteen-year-old, unsure and not ready to make the decision of what to dedicate the rest of his life to. He was young, stupid and most importantly, dumbly in love. His children, although unpredicted, were the loves of his life. He never regretted having them. Sammy was a bundle of joy who loved to dance and act. She was dramatic but in a way that was absolutely adorable and perfect for the stage. She loved being the centre of attention and her mother certainly enjoyed spoiling her to the point where Alex would feel slightly less loved at some points. Alex much preferred to hide in the shadows and be a bit more behind the scenes. He was intrigued with the concept of psychology and, when he wasn’t playing video games, he had his head buried in a book that discussed mental health and other psychological topics. 

Chase loved them. They were the only reasons he hadn’t fled the toxic relationship. Even a single tear on their cheeks would break his heart and he only wanted the best for them. He wanted to listen to Alex talk for hours about psychology and he wanted to be in the front row of a musical where Sammy played the lead. Chase scrambled up to his feet when someone knocked on the bathroom door. He frantically rubbed at his tear-filled eyes, just making them all the more red and it all the more obvious he had been crying. 

“Hold on a second...” He said, flushing the toilet just to make it a little less obvious about what he had been doing. He opened the door and kept his head facing the floor as he passed his son. 

“Night, Dad.” Alex muttered as he headed into the bathroom.

“Goodnight.”

-

“Chase,” Stacy started, walking up behind her husband and wrapping her arms around his thin frame. He was probably slightly thinner than the average man since there were occasions where Stacy would refuse him a meal if he did something she really disliked. “Chase!” Stacy repeated, but louder. Chase jumped violently, almost dropping the plate he had been in the middle of washing. “Did I scare you?”

“A little, yeah.” Chase laughed, trying to play it cool despite how fast his heart was beating inside his chest. He was ashamed to admit how much his body was shaking after the small scare. Stacy was quick to notice though and that was one of the features of the woman that Chase had grown to hate. At first it had been admirable and Chase had found it adorable but now it just gave away his every emotion.

“I thought you were a man.”

“Last time I checked.”

“Haha, very funny,” Stacy eyed Chase closely as he washed the plate in his hands with a sponge. The room went silent as he turned on the tap and washed away the soap suds. Chase could feel each of his movements get stiffer and stiffer. Eventually, he just felt like a robot, made of metal and in need of some oil to loosen up his joints. It was the fear, controlling his every thought. “Seriously though. I bet you wouldn’t see Marvin jumping at something so badly like that.”

Chase put the plate in the drying stack and pushed Stacy back a little to free himself from her grip. He didn’t say a word so Stacy spoke up again, “You’re only upset because you know it’s the truth. Marvin is more of a man than you and he’s a literal fairy.”

“Don’t talk about him like that, Stacy.” Warning filled Chase’s tone. It was the most authoritative he had tried to be in a long time. Marvin was one of Chase’s best friends. A soft spot for the man really. He was a magician that sometimes sold out shows but more often than not he didn’t. Chase used to be his number one supporter before the children. They had drifted apart and, although Chase still saw him every so often, they weren’t as close and probably never would be again. Marvin liked to wear a cat mask and frolic around on a stage and Stacy often looked down on him because of that. Marvin was also openly pansexual which Stacy strongly disapproved of, hence the derogatory name. Before Chase could say any more to defend his friend, Sammy entered the room with a tear stained face.

“Mummy, Alex took my book! Make him give it back!” Sammy cried, running up to her mum’s side and hugging her. Stacy yelled her son’s name before stomping into the living room with Chase in tow. Sure enough, Alex was sitting on the sofa with Sammy’s book in his hands.   
“Alex, give the book back.” Stacy said in that tone that let you know saying ‘no’ wasn’t even an option. Alex glanced at Chase whilst Sammy stayed glued to her mum’s side. 

“Dad?” Alex dared, watching as Chase’s eyes widened and Stacy turned to glare at him.

“Listen to your mother.”

“It wasn’t fun anyway.” Alex muttered, chucking the book in Sammy’s general direction. She grinned and grabbed it from where it had fallen on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m just going to see Marvin and the other guys. Is that alright?” Chase asked as he pulled a plain black hoodie out of his wardrobe. He hated that he felt he had to ask. He knew if he didn’t, Stacy would be on his case, asking silly questions like _who did you see_ or _where did you go_. At first her reasoning behind the interrogative questions was that she was worried Chase would cheat on her but now he knew she just loved to be in control. If she had the chance to purchase a remote that let her control Chase’s every move, she’d buy ten. Not that she didn’t already have a larger say in his life than the man himself.

“Sammy’s at a birthday party and she’ll need picking up at four. As long as you get her, you can see your friends.” Stacy mumbled, barely looking up from her phone. Chase pulled the hoodie over his head and shoved his arms into the sleeves before nodding and kissing his wife’s cheek lightly. He then exited the house. Before getting into his car, he pat the pocket of his hoodie to ensure he had his phone. He knew not to forget it. If he did, he’d be in for more than just a lecture. 

-

“Dude! It’s been so long!” Marvin greeted, hugging Chase tightly. Chase could feel his cheeks heat up so he retreated from the hug as soon as he had the chance. “Where have you been?”

“Nowhere. Just busy with the kids, you know? Sammy’s a handful.” He mumbled in response. The truth was that Stacy hated Chase’s friends, Marvin especially. Most of the times he would ask to have them over or go out with them, Stacy would go on a full rant about how they were bad influences and just got Chase into trouble. Just because there was one time that Chase and his friends got really drunk and Chase accidentally punched someone. He had to get escorted home by the police and Stacy would not let him forget it. She wasn’t happy that she had to deal with a drunk husband, as well as two young children.

“How are they?”

“They’re good. Alex is your typical angst-y teen and Sammy won’t leave her mum’s side but yeah, good.”

“And Stacy?” Chase stiffened at the mention of his wife’s name. Luckily Marvin didn’t notice and just slapped Chase’s back when he muttered out a weak answer. Marvin grabbed Chase’s hand and dragged the man into the living room, deciding they had had enough of the awkward small talk. Inside the living room sat five other men: Anti, Jackieboy Man, Henrik, JJ and Jack. The group were certainly an interesting mixture of people but that was why Chase loved them so much. 

Anti was an... interesting individual. His hair was dyed an eccentric green that matched his crazy personality. Bordering psychotic, the man was fascinated by knives. He always carried a pocket knife with him and everyone made sure not to get on his bad side. Let’s just say he’d put up a fight. Jackieboy Man was an ambitious and slightly delusional super hero. He always wore a blue mask over his eyes to hide his secret identity, not that anyone really cared when all he really did was help elderly people cross the street. Henrik was German and also a doctor. For some bizarre and unknown reason, he refused to wear anything but his doctor’s uniform. He was divorced but didn’t care for the woman he had once been married to. He was quite erratic with everything he did and couldn’t last five minutes without a morning coffee and then five more coffees throughout the day. JJ was mute and a stereotypical gentleman. He wore a bowler hat and had a moustache he was very proud of and refused to get rid of. He was happy most of the time and had a thin scar running across his neck that no one really knew about. No one wanted to ask either because JJ was always so hyper and joyful that they didn’t want to dampen his mood. Then there was Jack. Sometimes referred to as ‘the creator’ since he had been the one to bring the group together. He had met them all separately and decided they would get along perfectly, considering they all had similar energy levels. Jack was a well-known YouTuber under the name ‘Jacksepticeye’. He was a simple man who loved to entertain and was often found telling stupid jokes to the group to make them laugh. He always wore a silly smile and would always try to make everyone happy when they were feeling down.

Marvin picked up a can of beer from the table and chucked it at Chase who caught it. “No, thank you.” Chase mumbled, as much as he wanted to open it up and down at least ten. 

“What’s wrong with you? The Chase I know would down it in seconds.” Marvin replied with a frown, picking up another beer for himself.

“No, Stacy said-“

“What, is she your mother now? Controlling what you drink?” Anti spoke up, eyes thin and judgemental. That was another thing about Anti- he was judgemental and rude on the outside but surprisingly had a rather soft heart.

“No but you don’t understand. It’s- It’s complicated. And I need to pick up Sammy later.”

“When did you get so boring? Oh wait- I know- when you married that bitch.” Chase knew he should have argued and defended his wife but he couldn’t. He found his lips were glued shut and he couldn’t say a word. He knew Stacy had changed him for the worst but he had to stay for the children’s sakes. Chase sat down on the sofa beside Marvin, biting his lip and refusing to meet everyone’s gazes. 

-

“What time is it?” Chase asked, leaning forward on the sofa to pick up his glass of coke. Everyone around him had had more than a few beers by then so they were buzzing and he was the lame one who was completely sober.

“4:30, why does it matter?” Jackieboy Man replied, raising an eyebrow beneath his mask.

“Shit!” Chase got up onto his feet, making the liquid in his glass swish from side to side, at risk of tipping over the edge. Trembling hands reaching for his phone, he noticed he had three missed calls and four texts. He was in trouble. “I was meant to get Sammy at four.”

“Hey, calm down,” Marvin mumbled, making Chase realise just how much he had been panicking. His breathing was irregular and his heart was beating rapidly inside his chest. “Where is she?”

“At a birthday party... like twenty minutes from here. Stacy’s going to fucking kill me.” His mind was erratic and he felt like he was going to pass out. His hand flew to the wall to keep himself steady and he scrunched his eyes shut but that didn’t stop the room from spinning around him. He felt like a little kid, trapped on a roundabout as they screamed for their parent but no one was coming to his rescue. He was just going to continue spinning for eternity until he threw up the contents of his lunch and breakfast in one and passed out.

Someone was yelling his name but he couldn’t tell who. A hand grabbed his and pushed him down onto the sofa but he couldn’t tell who the hand belonged to. Someone was whispering calming words into his ear but he couldn’t tell who it was or what they were saying. He didn’t even notice he had been crying until someone’s soft hands brushed the tears away. “Breathe with me.” Someone whispered, emphasising their breathing for Chase to recreate. Chase followed it, inhaling and exhaling deeply until it was a bit more steady. “What’s wrong? It isn’t that big a deal that you forgot.” Chase blinked a couple of times before realising Marvin was the one who was speaking. Marvin’s hand was also the one on top of his own and, as soon as the magician realised, he retracted it rather bashfully. Chase refused to admit he missed the warmth.

“But it is,” Chase turned on his phone and his heart must have skipped a beat as he read the messages. The threats weren’t obvious but Chase knew Stacy and he knew what she was implying with the words. Kindness and nicknames were usually a sign that he was either skating on thin ice or Stacy was pissed. “I really need to go. Stacy got Sammy and she isn’t-“ Chase jumped up onto his feet and stumbled over to the door. “She isn’t happy.”

“Chase, wait!” Marvin yelled out but he was too late. Chase had already slammed the door and started to run towards his car.


	3. Chapter 3

“Sammy had to wait half an hour and she burst into tears in front of Emma’s mum,” Stacy started, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Chase backed up a little until he had to sit down on the bed. His entire body was trembling at such a pace that he was a little puzzled as to why his teeth weren’t chattering. Stacy’s interrogative and mildly threatening gaze was enough to send Chase into overdrive with panic. He felt like a child again and his mother was about to tell him off for teasing a sibling or doing something worse than that... except he knew his mother wasn’t even half as menacing as Stacy. The worst his mother did was yell at him for five minutes and threaten to take away his video game console and never go through with it. Stacy was much worse. She was about as petrifying to Chase as a fox was to a rabbit. “I ask you to do one thing.”

“I know but I got carried-“ Stacy slapped her husband whose mouth snapped shut as soon as their skin came in contact with each other. He knew better than to ramble out apologies or defend himself: any words were just fuel added to the roaring fire. His head dropped to look down at his shoes, knowing full well that he could make a run for it and just never come back. He could distantly hear Alex screaming at his Xbox and that was one of the reasons he stayed glued to the floor. 

“I said you could only go out if you picked up Sammy and you didn’t do that.” Nodding but not really paying attention, Chase began to focus on his breath like Marvin had advised him to earlier in the day. He could feel his body shaking but breathing slowly was helping him steady himself a little. “Next time I’m going to say no. You won’t be allowed to see them again.”

“I’m sorry,” Chase mumbled. He would have hated for his friends to see him in that position: rendered so defenceless in front of the woman he, himself, had decided to marry. He had brought it upon himself and there was no chance he’d admit his vulnerability to his friends. “I won’t forget again.”

“You know I love you but I need you to stop seeing them for a while.”  
Chase nodded. He had expected much worse so he was satisfied with the punishment. Stacy pulled him into a gentle hug and whispered gently, “I know you understand.”

“I do, Stace.” 

-

Chase placed his phone down on the table and let out a gentle sigh. Stacy, who was sitting about a metre away from him, looked up at the noise. The TV was alive in front of them, images moving and dancing across the screen. Stacy had had her full attention on the movie whilst Chase had been messing around on his phone. He had been talking to Marvin, right up until the point that Marvin had asked to arrange another meeting. As much as Chase wanted to say ‘yes’, he had to refuse the offer so that he didn’t have to deal with Stacy’s wrath again.

As if aware of what Chase had been texting a friend, Stacy sent him _that_ look. The look that told Chase she had control of him and he couldn’t do anything he wanted. Chase’s decisions were based on code and Stacy was the coder, leaving Chase completely under her command. “Who are you talking to?” She questioned, fake innocence laced in her tone.

“Just Marvin.” Chase replied, hoping she’d drop the topic even though he knew she would just ask more and more questions until she found an excuse to scream at him. 

“What are you talking about?”

“He asked if I wanted to meet him and the others but I said no.”

“Good,” Stacy smiled that smile that made everything worth it for a few moments. She even went as far as to shuffle over on the sofa so her side pressed into her husband’s. She leant her head on his shoulder, her hair falling down and covering her face. Chase hated when her face was covered. Her face was the main indicator of how she was feeling, like the tail of a dog. Chase couldn’t tell if he was currently in her good books for saying ‘no’ or her bad books for even bringing up the subject. Stacy eventually whispered, “I love you,” which confirmed to Chase that he had earned a place in her good books, an absurdly rare occurrence.

“Dad!” Alex yelled, entering the room and grimacing at the sight of his parents cuddling. “Can I borrow your skateboard?”

“Manners.” Stacy muttered, sitting up and moving away from her husband. Chase frowned at the loss of contact but covered it up within seconds. He was used to covering up his emotions in front of his family: he couldn’t show weakness in front of Stacy and he couldn’t let his children know how he was being treated by their mother. 

“ _Please_ can I borrow your skateboard? Josh and Simon are going into town and I wanna join them.”

“Of course, Al. It’s by the door.”

“Awesome! Thanks!” 

Alex then left the room again but Stacy didn’t move back to cuddling Chase. Instead, she decided to pick a fight out of something petty. “You really should get rid of that skateboard. You’re a grown man for fuck’s sake.”

“I like it. Easy transport and it looks great at the same time.” Chase replied, unsure of where his sudden confidence had sprouted from. Usually he’d just have grumbled something and agreed with her to avoid unwanted trouble.

“Sammy will grow up before you do.”

“I like skateboards. What’s the problem? Let me like what I want to like.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” Stacy lifted up her hand and brought it across Chase’s face. Redness spread across his cheek as a sharp pain spread through it. Chase’s eyes scrunched shut but they soon jolted back open when they heard a gentle gasp. Alex was standing in the doorway.

“Alex-“ Surprisingly it was Chase who spoke up, his tone of voice desperate. His son was staring at his parents with wide, shock-filled eyes. 

“I couldn’t find the skateboard. Can you help me, dad?” Alex whispered, the only sign he had realised what had been going on his tone. His words, out of context, seemed normal, as if he was just a boy asking his father for help searching for a missing object. Chase decided not to say anything further, instead choosing to nod and get up onto his feet. He could feel Stacy’s hard glare in the back of his head, letting him know he was in charge of conjuring up an excuse.

“It’s right here.” The skateboard was leaning up against the wall but it blended in a little. Chase grabbed it and held it out for his son to take but he had become disinterested.

“Why did mum slap you?”

“Al, she just-“

“And don’t lie. I’m old enough to understand that you shouldn’t hit people.” Alex’s voice was oddly calm, like the calm of the world before the storm. Chase could tell he was upset from his monotone, as well as his refusal to meet his gaze. Alex was usually a rather confident person and made more eye contact than was really necessary.

“She just gets angry. You know her and her temper.” Chase hated that he was sugar-coating the abuse. He knew it wasn’t right and he didn’t want to etch anything else into his son’s brain. He was only lying to defend Alex in the long term. If Chase admitted the truth, Stacy would be infuriated and potentially take it out on the two things that truly mattered to him: his children.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Alex practically snatched the board from his dad, dropping on the floor hard enough to emit a small thud. Chase flinched at the noise. 

“Well, no-“

“Why would you lie about something like this? I know what abuse is, dad.”

“Al, please don’t tell your mum. I wanted to protect you.”

“By giving me some pretty fucked up morals?”

Chase knew what Stacy would have wanted him to respond with. Something along the lines of “language”. Instead, he stared into his son’s eyes as tears filled his own. He could feel the anxiety dancing around in his chest, making him feel extremely nauseated. He was on the verge of puking but he had to hold it back. Alex had already seen too much. “I don’t want her to hurt you...”

“I’m going to see my friends.” Alex placed one foot atop of the skateboard and used the other to push himself forward. He soon became a blur, disappearing into the distance.

Chase didn’t want to go inside. Aware of what was waiting for him, he was more than terrified. He was petrified and even that was a major understatement.

-

“What did you do, daddy?” Sammy asked, reaching out with her small hand to brush it across Chase’s bruised eye. Luckily it hadn’t swollen as bad as he had expected and his eyesight was fine. It was just a pain to come up with an excuse and consistently stick to it.

“I fell like an idiot and hit my eye on the side of the table.” Chase replied, smiling to let his daughter know she didn’t need to worry. Alex was opposite him and his eyes narrowed at the excuse. It was obvious that he understood but he didn’t speak up and just continued eating like normal, much to the delight of Chase who was worried he’d say something to anger Stacy.

Sammy giggled, too young to spot any faults in the lie. “Daddy’s an idiot!” Chase wished for a moment he was Sammy’s age again, so naive and unknowing of the horror the world had in it. Obviously not everything was bad but, with Chase’s life, he assumed everything was bad. Except Marvin and his other friends. They were the only good in the world.


	4. Chapter 4

“I’m going out to see Marvin, alright?” Chase asked, grabbing his backpack and making sure he had everything he needed in it. Stacy looked up from her book, biting her lip.

“Chase...” She mumbled as if she expected Chase to know what she was thinking. He did, of course, as he had become a master at understanding her conflicting emotions and thoughts. She wasn’t going to let him go out.

“Please?” Chase felt pathetic. At what point in his life had he succumbed to being controlled by the very woman he had once fallen in love with? At what point did he decide he needed to beg to go out with friends? At what point had he lost his free will?

“You forgot about Sammy last time. I don’t know if I trust you enough to go out again.”

“I-“ Chase opened his mouth to continue before snapping it shut. He couldn’t argue. If he did, he’d make things worse for himself and he couldn’t handle much more. There wasn’t any point either, Stacy was the most stubborn person on Earth. Once she had her mind set on something, there was no way you were going to be able to change it.

-

Chase typed out the message which let his friend know he was bailing on him. Marvin seemed alright with it but Chase couldn’t help the amount of guilt he was feeling. He had bailed on him twice in the last week or so. He found himself missing the magician too. He was strongly in need of a friend; someone to tell him that everything would, one day, be alright. 

-

At what point Chase had started to console in alcohol rather than his friends or family, he did not know. What he did know was that, more often than not, he spent the nights that Stacy left him alone and the children weren’t home getting smashed. Much to his dismay, he was rarely home alone. That night, however, he was. He couldn’t remember how much whisky he had consumed but he knew it was enough that his words were slurred and his movements were messy. 

He had an empty bottle of whisky at his feet and another, half full one, in his hand. The television was on but it might as well have been on mute. Chase wasn’t paying any attention to the moving images or sounds being released from the screen. His body was trembling violently and the world was spinning around him, making him feel nauseated. It was at that moment that Alex walked in the front door. The noise and force shook the building and Chase’s head jolted up. 

Alex walked into the living room before Chase had time to hide what he had been doing. “What are you doing?!” Alex practically yelled, running towards his dad who smelt strongly of alcohol. The young boy noticed the empty bottles and frowned, cautiously holding out his hand for his dad to take. He didn’t.

“Leave me alone, Al.” His words were messy and slurred together, making his internal state apparent.

“Is this because of what happened the other day? With mum?”

“Didn’t want you to see me like this... I’m your dad and I’m meant to be a role model...” 

“You are a role model, dad. It’s not your fault mum’s... mum’s got a short temper.”

“Yeah,” Chase smiled but his face seemed distant, as if he was only half there. His eyes were clouded and he was staring behind Alex, rather than at the boy. “That’s what it is. Short temper.”

“Dad,” Alex’s eyes were wide and vulnerable: he didn’t know what to do. He had never dealt with a drunk person before, let alone his own father. “I think you should sleep. Yeah, sleep it off...”

Chase nodded but didn’t take Alex’s hand. Instead, he laid down on the sofa, passing out almost immediately.

-

“You got drunk?!” Stacy yelled, watching as Chase pressed a hand into his hot forehead. His head was pounding thanks to all of the alcohol he had consumed on the previous night. The hangover was enough of a punishment, even without Stacy shouting at him. “And Alex was the one who found you?”

Chase barely flinched as Stacy slapped him. Honestly, he had expected it. Hands pressed into his chest before he was shoved backwards. Chase was ready to just take whatever Stacy was going to give him: after all, he had practically been brainwashed into thinking he deserved it.

“Is that the kind of role model you’d like to be? One your son feels sorry for? That’s pathetic.” Chase glanced up into Stacy’s eyes, practically pleading for mercy as she towered over him, despite actually being smaller. He felt like a tiny ant as Stacy was raising her foot, ready to squish him.

“He wasn’t meant to come home...” Chase murmured, a final attempt to defend himself. Stacy appeared less than impressed and, if anything, the statement just made Stacy all the more angry. Her face was bright red and steam might as well have been coming out of her ears.

“Alex is going to be embarrassed to have you as a dad. He’s going to think you’re pathetic.” Chase let out a sob that was all but gently as Stacy raised her hands to shove Chase harder. He stumbled, legs buckling beneath him as he tripped and fell backwards. Time sped up as Chase’s head smashed into the coffee table that stood in the middle of the living room.

Stacy let out a high-pitched scream, her hands flying to cover her mouth in shock. Her eyes were wide as she stumbled backwards herself, unable to tear her gaze away from her unconscious husband. Having heard the commotion, Alex came running into the room to find Chase lying on the floor, blood dripping down the side of his face. “Oh my God...” The young boy muttered in disbelief, his whole body beginning to tremble due to the sheer amount of fear.  


“He fell. He fell.” Stacy kept repeating, as if to convince herself too. Alex knew the truth though. He knew what his mum was like behind closed doors.

“You pushed him.” Alex was backing up, his hands out in front of him in defence. He was petrified, no longer seeing his mother in front of him but a potential murderer. It was not the woman who had raised him; not anymore.

“Alex, come here and listen, I didn’t. He tripped and fell, alright? You didn’t see so how would you know?” Stacy’s voice was creepily soft and she had tears streaming down her cheeks. It must have been the first time Alex had seen his mother cry.

“I know what you did to him.” Alex’s voice was quiet because he was taking a gigantic leap of faith with his words. Stacy’s face grew red, the colour of Chase’s blood, as the words registered. Alex didn’t have enough time to analyse how his mum felt before taking off into the hallway. He needed to call for help and get away. His mum might have been dangerous, he needed to find safety and his dad was in need of saving.

Knowing full well he needed a phone, he headed upstairs. He almost tripped a million times because the adrenaline was heightening his speed. He could hear Stacy behind him so he dived into the first room he came across: his father’s. He slammed the door as quickly as possible, his heart pounding at a rapid speed inside his chest.

Alex fumbled around the room, pulling open random draws and searching beneath the bed. “Alex, I swear I didn’t hurt him.” Stacy was sobbing from the other side of the door. Alex didn’t pay any attention, not planning on letting it phase him before he called for help. Eventually, he came across the man’s backpack and found his phone inside. Smiling a wavering smile to himself for finding it and trying his hardest not to panic, he switched the device on. When it asked for a password, he bit his lip for a moment, having not thought that far ahead. He contemplated it for a moment before inputting Chase’s birthday. Stacy’s birthday. He would have tried Marvin’s birthday had he known it. He tried the year his mum and dad got married (the year he was born). He paused, hands hovering over the numbers as he debated what to try next. He settled on his own birthday and the phone unlocked. The door flew open to reveal Alex’s mother and he gripped the phone as tightly as possible. “Give me the phone, Al,” Stacy whispered and Alex knew he didn’t have much time. “I swear, if you message anyone...”


	5. Chapter 5

“Please, mum... don’t come near me...” Alex muttered through gritted teeth. He didn’t want to feel the fear he did towards his mum; he shouldn’t have had to. He should look at him mum and think of safety and security. Instead all he saw was terror. 

“Give me the phone, I will call an ambulance, alright? Just give it to me.” Stacy’s voice had softened a substantial amount but in a way that wasn’t at all appealing. It was like soft ice cream but the type that dripped into a puddle at your feet. Stacy’s hand was held out in front of her, about a metre away from Alex. The boy refused though, trembling hands still holding onto the phone as tightly as he could.

“Let me do it.”

“Okay, okay. Just... he fell and hit his head.”

Nodding slowly, Alex brought the phone back to his front and opened up the keypad. He typed in the three nines and brought the phone up to his ear. It rang a couple of times before someone picked up. “999, how may I help you?”

“It’s my dad,” Alex choked out, his voice shaking as much as his body. Stacy’s eyes were burning into him, waiting for him to make the wrong move so she could attack. “He hit his head. Please help him.”

“What is your address, Sir?” Alex blanked for a moment due to the pressure and anxiety but soon blurted it out. “Is he conscious?”

“No, no, no. Just hurry!” 

“The ambulance is on its way. Stay calm, Sir.” Alex let out a loud sob, standing up and shoving passed his mother who was in a similar state. 

He ran back downstairs to the living room where his dad was still unconscious. He bent down and whispered, “Please wake up, dad. It’ll be okay. I know what happened and I’m going to help you.”

-

“What happened? His head took a bit of a bash.” The doctor questioned after having explained to Alex and Stacy what was wrong with Chase. Most of it was just scientific jargon but they had got the gist of it, understanding that Chase should have been waking up sometime soon, after his head had been stitched up.

“He fell,” Stacy spoke up before Alex could even open his mouth. The doctor nodded, glancing momentarily at Chase who was as white as a sheet. “Gave us both a bit of a scare, right Al?” There was a threat implied in her tone which Chase would have recognised immediately. Alex just nodded, refusing to meet the doctor’s gaze. “Your dad’s such a klutz.”

The doctor sent the pair one last smile before leaving them alone in the room. Alex immediately stiffened. “Promise me something,” Alex found his mouth dry as he nervously looked up into his mum’s eyes. “You won’t go spreading lies that I pushed him, right? Because that isn’t what happened.”

“I won’t...”

“I need some coffee so I’ll be right back. What would you like?”

“Just water, please.” Anything else would have made him feel all the more nauseated. Stacy then disappeared into the hallway. Alex’s hand immediately moved to his pocket where he knew Chase’s phone was still hidden. He had managed to shove it into his pocket when Stacy hadn’t been looking. He knew who he needed to call.

-

“What is he doing here?” Stacy immediately asked as she entered the ward again, holding a cup of coffee and a bottle of water from a brand Alex had never heard of. Marvin smiled a little bashfully, waving at his best friend’s wife. Stacy’s response was a nasty glare, letting the magician know he wasn’t welcome.

“I heard that Chase had been injured and I had to make sure he was okay. Alex called me.” Marvin replied, his voice sweet but in a way that wasn’t sickening. It was nice, comfortable and made Alex feel safe.

“You called him?” Stacy’s glare moved to her son and he immediately felt all the more uncomfortable.

“He’s dad’s best friend. He needed to know...”

“Yes, thanks for messaging me, little dude.” Marvin ruffled Alex’s hair and pulled him close and, despite being taller than the magician, Alex really did feel little again.

Stacy’s phone then started to belt out her ringtone and she pulled it out of her pocket, glancing at it momentarily before muttering, “Shit, Sammy! I need to go.” Rushing out of the room and ignoring her worried son and her injured husband, she then disappeared.

-

“Coffee is the nectar of the gods!” Marvin practically moaned into his drink, making Alex laugh for a moment. The laughter faded out as he remembered the situation at hand. Chase still wasn’t awake but he had more colour in his face which was a good sign according to the doctor.

“Marvin, I- I need to talk to you...” Alex muttered, his hand finding its way to Marvin’s. It was subconscious because the boy was just searching for some sort of comfort that he wasn’t necessarily aware he was in need of. Marvin nodded to show he was listening and sat down on one of the plastic hospital chairs. It was hard and in no way comfortable but it was better than standing for hours and hours on end. Alex did the same but made sure he was still making physical contact with Marvin, no matter how minimal.

“What is it, little man?”

“For the last time, I am not little. I am literally taller than you. You’re the little man here.”

Marvin barked out a loud laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“Anyways, it’s about dad and, well, today,” Marvin’s countenance changed from light-hearted into something more serious. He could tell just by Alex’s facial expression and the way his shoulders were slumped forward that it wasn’t anything good. There was no way Marvin was expecting what Alex actually came out with though. “Dad didn’t fall...” Marvin didn’t reply, only raising a single eyebrow so he didn’t discourage Alex from what he was saying. “It was mum.”

“What do you mean?” Tears were quickly welling up in Alex’s eyes so he turned away from the magician, not wanting him to see him cry. Marvin wrapped an arm loosely around the younger boy to let him know not to be afraid in a way that didn’t use words.

“Mum pushed him. They were arguing and it was my fault so I was going to go and defend dad but then I heard this- this crash...” Alex let out a loud sob, his body beginning to tremble again. “I walked in and mum was crying and dad was on the floor. Mum swore to me she didn’t do it but I know she did.”

“How do you know that? Stacy may be a bit- may not be the nicest person but I can’t see her being... abusive which is what you’re insinuating. Plus, Chase never showed any of the signs, did he?”

“I saw her slap him another time and they’re always arguing. I don’t know what- what to do.” Alex covered his face with his hands so that he could cry into them whilst Marvin pulled him closer. Alex’s head leant on the magician’s shoulder as he silently rubbed the other’s back. 

Eventually, after it had settled in a bit more, he had to reply. “Do you think Stacy is physically abusive to your dad?” Alex could only nod, not really wanting to admit it verbally. “Okay. We need to talk to someone about it and get him out of this relationship before it gets any worse.”

“I didn’t know what to do...”

“I know and I get that it’s hard but, Al,” Alex nodded. “Has she ever laid a hand on you?”

“She wouldn’t... would she?”

“I don’t know. We didn’t think she’d be abusive either, did we?” Alex let out a small, shaky sigh, wishing things had gone down differently with his parents’ relationship. “Can I have your phone?”

“We had to rush out so I didn’t take it. I have dad’s though?”

“Do you know your number?”

“Yeah...” Alex recited his number by heart as Marvin typed it into his own phone and sent a message to it.

“Perfect. If anything happens or even if your parents are arguing and you’re just scared, message me and I’ll be over as soon as I can. I want to protect your dad as much as you do, alright?” Alex didn’t have time to respond with anything other than a nod because Stacy re-entered the room, holding Sammy’s hand. Marvin didn’t say anything but he gladly returned Stacy’s evil glare that time rather than trying his best to be nice.


	6. Chapter 6

“Where the-“ was the first thing Chase had said when he woke up later that day. He had opened his eyes and raised a hand immediately to cover them against the bright light shining down on him. He also let out a short, deep groan at the sharp pounding in his head which felt like the strongest man in the world had smashed a baseball bat against it... multiple times.

“You’re in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?” Stacy was the one who spoke up, her tone sickeningly sweet. Her green eyes bored into Chase’s for a moment, as if she was trying to telepathically send a message but nothing was getting through on Chase’s end.

Chase contemplated for a moment. “I remember arguing then the rest is just fuzzy. How long have I been in here for? Is it the year 3000?”  


Stacy rolled her eyes but let out a content sigh. “We were arguing and you tripped and hit your head on the coffee table. Alex called an ambulance for you.”

“Sounds just like something I’d do. I’m the clumsiest person on the earth. But you,” Chase forced himself to sit up, no matter how much it made him wince, and held out a shaky hand to touch his son’s arm. 

“Are my hero. What would I do without you?”

“Dad, you’re embarrassing me.” Alex mumbled, biting his lip as harshly as possible. The boy couldn’t tell whether Chase actually didn’t remember or whether he just wasn’t admitting the truth out of fear or embarrassment. 

“That’s what dad’s are for though, right?”

“I suppose. Marvin was here earlier-“

“He called him for some stupid reason. Marvin has no right seeing you like this.” Stacy chipped in, sounding a lot less sweet than earlier and more agitated.

“I called him because he deserved to know that dad had hurt himself. As I was saying, he was here earlier but he had to go for a show or something. He said to send his love.”

“Is that really what he said? That doesn’t sound anything like Marvin.” Chase replied with a small chuckle; even that hurt.

“No... what he really said was ‘tell Chase that next time I see him we can talk over a cold one because we've got a lot of stuff to catch up on, dude’ which I translated into English for you.”

Chase let out a louder laugh that just ended up turning into a series of coughs before saying, “That sounds more like my best friend.”

-

Chase didn’t stay much longer in the hospital before he was discharged and sent home. Strangely, as soon as they got inside the house, Stacy sent both Alex and Sammy up to their rooms, despite it only being early evening and nowhere near their bedtimes. Alex shut his door and expected to hear shouting almost instantaneously but, surprisingly, he didn’t. In fact, the house lapsed into silence which was unusual. The boy was unsure about whether to worry but decided to distract himself with his PlayStation for a while. 

Downstairs, Chase and Stacy were arguing. Just, in hushed voices so their children couldn’t hear for once. Chase was sat down on the sofa, a hand covering his forehead as he listened to Stacy’s lecture of grumbles. Her tone was its usual sharp and, for some reason, it was all the more terrifying when quiet. “Alex says he knows... how the fuck does he know? Did you tell him?” Stacy’s hand grasped at Chase’s collar, pulling him harshly to his feet. His legs wobbled as he stared into his wife’s interrogative eyes. “If I find out that you told him, you won’t be the one getting hurt, Alex will. And I won’t go easy on him just because he’s my son.”

“Don’t touch Alex,” Chase gasped out, his voice coming out more confident than he had expected. He used his hands to pry Stacy from the top of his shirt. “I will do anything as long as you don’t touch my children.” Chase’s hard gaze made Stacy raise an eyebrow and smile gently.

“That’s what I like to hear. You better put him straight and tell him that I did not hurt you.”

“He won’t believe me even if I tried...”

“Then you better give him a little warning before I do and, trust me, I won’t be nice about it. And you, you better not tell anyone either because I can do way more than just make you need stitches.”

Chase considered for a moment whether the hit to his head had caused some sort of brain damage because his courage was at its peak. A hand curling into a fist at his side, he raised his voice just a little bit. “You can’t treat me like this forever, Stace. Sooner or later someone will find out and do something.”

“Yeah, right. It’s sweet that you think people give a shit about you.”

“They do. Marvin does and so does Alex.”

“Marvin better stay away from you. If he does anything...” She didn’t even need to finish the sentence because Chase had received the message. “Don’t talk to him anymore, alright? We can’t have him splitting us up now, can we?”

Chase gulped and felt all of his fear disappear in seconds. His fist uncurled once again and he didn’t fight at all when Stacy grabbed him by his shirt again. 

“Where’s your phone? I think you should take a break from it from a while. Just in case you try and contact Marvin. It’s for the best. Tell me, where is your phone?”

“I don’t know... in my backpack?”

“Alex might still have it,” Stacy mumbled underneath her breath before shoving Chase backwards and letting go of him. “Take this as a warning, alright? If you, Alex or that fairy of a friend of yours ever try and confront me about this... there will be hell for both you and our son.”

“Please don’t hurt him.” Voice shaking with desperation and trepidation, Chase found himself glued to the spot as Stacy stormed upstairs.

-

“Do you have Chase’s phone?” Stacy questioned, not even bothering to knock on her son’s door. Alex looked away from his television and placed his controller beside him for a moment, staring at his mum in confusion.

“Why do-“ He started but Stacy cut him off with venom in his voice. He took that as a warning and fumbled in his jacket pocket for his dad’s iPhone before handing it to Stacy. She took it and unlocked it, finger swiping up the screen and clicking a few things before shoving it into her own pocket.

“Do you have any contact with Marvin by any chance?” Alex shook his head, his eyes wide and full of fear. “We need to talk about something,” She then sat down beside Alex on his space bedcovers, placing a gentle hand on her son’s knee. She could feel that Alex was trembling but that didn’t faze her at all. “I didn’t push Chase and I know that’s what you think but I didn’t. We were arguing and he tripped. I was there and I saw. I know-“ Fake sadness in her voice, she placed a hand over her mouth as a tear trailed down her cheek. Alex’s instinct was to wrap an arm around his crying mother, even after finding out about her abusive tendencies. “I know you think I’m a bad person and I’m... abusive or something but I’m not. I love your dad with all my heart and I would never hurt him.”

“Do you mean that or- or is this some cover up?” Alex spoke quietly, afraid to mess up with his words. 

“I mean it, Al. I love you and Sammy too. Did Chase try and tell you I was abusive after that slap?”

“He denied it but-“

“But what? It was only one slap, I promise. I got really angry over something stupid and took it out on your dad and I regretted it immediately after.”

“I’m sorry, mum.” Tears began to well in Alex’s eyes so Stacy wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close, allowing him to bury his head in her chest. Sobs shook his body as his mum just held him.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry your dad made it out as if something was going on. We’re okay. I never have intentionally hurt him.”

“But you argue all the time... are you going to split up?”

“No, no, no. All couples argue a little bit. You have nothing to be worried about.”


	7. Chapter 7

“We’re going to the beach!” Stacy exclaimed with a wide grin on her face. This elicited a loud squeal from Sammy and she even began to jump up and down excitedly. “Your dad can’t come though because he has some stuff to do for work.”

“Can’t he bail on work for one day?” Alex questioned, his lips in a straight line, even though he secretly was ecstatic for the outing and just too ‘cool’ to admit it.

“No, it’s... it’s important. Now go on, you two, get ready! I want to leave in the next half an hour!” Sammy practically screamed all the way up the stairs whilst Alex remained silent. The sound of two doors shutting (one harsher than the other) filled the air and made Stacy turn to Chase who was sitting on the sofa with his laptop. “Last night I spoke to Alex.”

“You didn’t hurt him, did you?” Chase immediately asked, looking up with pleading eyes. If Stacy had hurt his son, he’d probably flip out. He was more likely to defend his son than himself, even if it meant he got hurt. His children were his priority, even if they were blood relatives of the woman that had ruined his life.

“No, I did not. I told him that it was a misunderstanding. He knows nothing is going on now.”

“Oh.”

“You sound disappointed by that. Did you want him to tell someone and get in between our relationship? Did you want to have the option to leave me?”

“No, no, Stace. I-“

“If anyone gets in between us, the kids will be my first target and I am taking them with me. You will never see them again.”

“I know!” Stacy grabbed Chase by his shirt and pressed him into the wall, glaring at him so he knew she wasn’t playing around. She meant every single word.

“The only reason I’m keeping you here is because the kids need you. Alex might hate you soon enough though... lying to him about his mother...”

“Please, Stacy. I didn’t-“

Slap. Chase cried out in pain. “I don’t care what you meant to do. If you do one more thing to mess this up, I’m kicking you out onto the streets and you won’t see Alex or Sammy again.”

“Okay. Just- Just don’t hurt them!”

“I won’t,” Stacy let go of him and turned around so she was no longer facing him. “I wish I never married you. I deserve so much better and so do the kids. You’re useless and a pathetic excuse for a father.”

Stacy then left the room to go and get ready herself, missing when Chase mumbled, “I know.”

-

Once Chase had wrapped up his recording, he headed straight into the kitchen and started to search for something to drink. His whisky was usually at the back but he put his hand in the cupboard and was unable to feel anything. He backed up a little, his entire body shaking as he couldn’t get what he wanted. Hot tears streamed down his pale cheeks before he took off to the bathroom. 

Ashamed of himself, he couldn’t even glance in the mirror. His hair was an unwashed mess, going in all different directions thanks to his habit of hair pulling under stress. He had thick bags under his eyes from his inability to get to sleep after arguments. He was much paler than he remembered too, almost in a sickly way. He may as well have been a corpse. Letting out a loud sob, he opened up the cupboard and felt around for his razor.

He never thought he’d have been reduced to hurting himself but his alcohol stash was gone so he didn’t have any other coping mechanism. He had done it once before when he was a teenager, after his dad had walked out on his family, leaving him alone with only his mother. He didn’t realise his hands were shaking so much until he tried to pry the razor apart to get to the blade. Eventually he managed and the metal dropped to the ground at his feet. 

He sat on the closed toilet seat and picked it up again. He fiddled with it for a moment before he found it in him to suppress the nerves and finally press it into the inside of his wrist. When he did, he let out a light gasp, watching with fascination as the blood bubbled out of the mark. Realising what he had done, he jolted his hand back and stared at his wrist with wide eyes. “Oh my God...” He muttered to himself, grabbing some tissue and pressing it into the wound.

-

The next few weeks dragged by agonisingly slowly. They argued. Chase got hit. Alex didn’t notice anymore. Even when Chase showed up at breakfast with a dark black eye, no one said a word. Chase hadn’t thought about hurting himself again though... until one night.

“Alex asked me to take him to his friend’s tomorrow instead of you,” Stacy had started, making Chase frown and question it. “I think he prefers me. I think he hates you after what you did by convincing him I was abusing you...” Chase opened up his mouth but snapped it shut when Stacy continued. “And Sammy wanted me to take her clothes shopping too. I quote ‘daddy doesn’t pay enough attention and is really annoying’. Looks like she prefers me too.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh but it is and you know it. You have no place here anymore. They’re embarrassed by you and want to do everything with me.”

“Stacy-“

“Yes? Are you going to defend yourself? Or are you too weak and pathetic?” Chase found that his throat dried up until it was just about as moist as a desert before he shut his mouth and swallowed thickly. “You are hardly a man.” She hit his shoulder in a way that may have seemed playful to an outsider when really it made him stumble backwards slightly. He couldn’t defend himself because he was afraid to make things worse. In all honestly, he was unsure about how much more hitting and yelling he could take before he completely broke down. He needed to stay strong for the kids. Always the kids. In the worst moments, his mind desperately gripped to images of his children when they were smiling and it usually gave him that extra little push he needed to keep going. “Well, I’m off to take Sammy shopping.”

“Where’s Alex?”

“Shouldn’t you know that? Maybe if you were a better listener...”

“I’m sorry.” He glanced down at his feet that were covered in lion socks. Animal socks used to amuse him but now Chase knew the world was too harsh to find minor, pathetic humour in something you wore to simply keep your feet at a decent temperature.

-

Everyone was out of the house and that meant Chase could succumb to his usual ritual. Alcohol with its latest addition of a friend, his razor. Chase had already downed a bottle before he made it into the bathroom to begin the next part of his ritual. His body was trembling, a result of both the alcohol in his system and the trepidation. He broke apart the razor and touched the cold surface of the blade. The item was so small but it could easily cause so much damage. Wasn’t that fascinating?

He dropped the metal object to the ground around half an hour later, shaking even more so than the start. His left arm was a mess, so much so that it pained him to look at it. He almost regretted it but he liked the sense of control he obtained from using the razor. He didn’t have control over anything else in his life, self harming was the only thing that was only his. As messed up as it sounded, that was his life.

After returning the razor to its home and wrapping his arms messily in bandages, Chase found himself in the living room with another bottle of whisky. It didn’t even taste that good. He wasn’t addicted to the taste and the burn it left going down his throat though, he was addicted to being able to drown his sorrows just for one moment and find some fresh air to breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

Groaning, Chase sat up and stretched his arms. His head was pounding but he hadn’t expected anything less after consuming so much alcohol the previous night. He winced as he glanced at the digital alarm clock on the table by his side of the bed. It flashed _10:30am_. That was unusual. Usually Stacy got him up reasonably early, even if she had smelt the alcohol on him. He stood up and opened the door, the first thing he noticed being the screaming. It didn’t seem one sided either. 

He began to head down to where the shouting seemed to be coming from. The living room. “What’s going on in here?” He questioned, his eyes laying upon Alex who had tears tracked down his face, Stacy who was fuming and Sammy who was standing in the corner, clearly petrified. 

“I’m trying to explain to Alex that he can’t see that friend of his until he does his homework and his chores.” Her tone was calm but it was always a hidden, bright red warning sign. 

“He just wants to see him. He won’t be out all day. Maybe we could give them a few hours and make sure he does his work when he gets home later?” Chase bargained, attempting to find a compromise that would make both of them happy.

“Dad understands! You can’t just make me work all the time like I’m some- some slave or something!” Alex was screaming so loudly that Chase could see Sammy stiffen and hide her face. He headed over to the little girl and wrapped an arm around her. 

“Do you want him to become a failure like you?”

“Not in front of the kids, Sta-“ No one had expected it. Not even Chase who could usually see a threat from miles away. Stacy slapped Chase and both of the children had seen.

“You’re so bloody useless and I don’t want my kids to turn out like their pathetic excuse of a father.”

“He isn’t pathetic! I love Dad! He’s a much better parent than you. He isn’t controlling and he’s really empathetic. And he’s pretty cool or, at least as cool as dads can get.” Chase wanted to yell at Alex to stop defending him but it was too late: Stacy had already began to direct her fury at the younger boy.

“He is pathetic! You don’t know him like I do! He’s an alcoholic and his friends are all fairies and he failed school. He is the worst possible person to look up to. At least I got somewhere... or maybe I haven’t if I ended up with someone as bad as him.”

“Daddy,” Sammy’s small, quivering voice made Chase divert his attention from the argument for a moment. “What’s a fairy? Is that the magic things with wings?”

“Yes and no. In this context, your mum is using it as an insult for people... people who like the same gender.”

“Oh.”

“Stop insulting Dad! You know, when you told me you weren’t abusing him before, I almost started to believe you. Then I started to pay attention and I realised you’re the biggest fucking liar here. You hurt him all the time and think I’m too blind to notice.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not five and my eyesight is just fine. I know what abuse is.”

“I don’t abuse your father! Stop making accusations!”

“I only make accusations when I have evidence! I don’t need to be Sherlock fucking Holmes to know what you do to him isn’t right! I could go to the police or something and get them to take you away. I want dad to be happy and you’re hindering that. I hate you so much. I’m ashamed to call you-“ Alex was cut off as Stacy’s hand came in contact with his cheek. The room lapsed into silence as the boy stumbled backwards, pressing his own hand into the area where a red mark was bound to form. His eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. No one had really processed what had happened until Alex fled the room, sobbing, and Stacy attempted to run after him.

“No,” Chase mumbled, placing a hand on her chest to prevent her from leaving. “I’m going to talk to him and, if you lay a hand on him again, I won’t be scared to fight back anymore. I love him, even if you couldn’t give a shit.”

-

“I’m going to get you out of here. If she hurt you once, what’s going to stop her from doing it again..?” Chase muttered, leaning forward to examine the bright red mark across his son’s cheek. Sammy was sitting on Alex’s bed, dazed and confused about the entire situation.

“Why did mummy hurt Alex?” She asked but Chase just shook his head and continued to talk to Alex.

“I don’t know how but we’re going to leave. If it means getting up at the crack of dawn, packing a backpack of only one spare change of clothes and getting on the first bus to who-knows-where then I don’t care. Anywhere’s safer but here.”

“I provoked her...” Alex whispered. His hands had found a stuffed monkey that, although was constantly in his bed, he usually refused to cuddle. At that moment, he was clinging to it like a koala, finding comfort in holding onto a memory from the times when things had been okay.

“You didn’t. There is never a reason to hit anyone except sometimes in self defence. This wasn’t your fault,” Alex reached up with his hand and wiped away a tear, even though their coldness was almost soothing on his sore cheek. “Both of you, don’t tell mummy a word about our plan to have an adventure in the middle of the night. Don’t argue with her either and things will start looking up soon, I promise.”

“Okay, daddy.” Sammy whispered but she didn’t seem like she cared much. Alex nodded and he fully intended on following the orders but not because he had to; because he wanted to.

“I love you both so much. Please never forget that.” Usually Alex would be ‘too old and cool’ for a kiss to his forehead but that time he accepted it gratefully. Sammy liked it as always, being a young kid who lived for praise from her parents. 

-

“Alex! Can you come downstairs please!” Stacy yelled. Alex tensed a little, his hands wrapped around his PlayStation controller. He was trying to take his emotions out on a rage-game but, no matter how many times he accidentally killed his character, his anger didn’t fizzle away. Chase lingered in the room, just so that he could keep an eye on Stacy and ensure she didn’t lie another hand on Alex.

Alex walked into the room with his hands in his pockets, his head facing the floor as his dark fringe fell over his eyes. His cheek was still a soft red but it wasn’t as irritable.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to you,” She started, eyes tracking her son as he sat down next to her but kept about a metre of space in between them. Alex had his shoulders hunched and kept shifting in his seat, a sign that he was uncomfortable. Chase had never seen him so tense. “It was a one-time thing, alright? I won’t do it again, please forgive me.” She shuffled over on the sofa and laid a hand on Alex’s knee. He flinched and no one missed it.

“But-“ Alex started, raising his head for a moment to make eye contact with Chase. The older man shook his head to tell him not to argue and to just play along. “Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Stacy wrapped Alex in a long embrace and he stiffened in her arms. A mother’s hug should feel like home to her child; it shouldn’t feel like a terrifying experience. Alex shouldn’t have wanted to run and hide in his bedroom, playing the rage-games on his PlayStation.

“Please don’t tell anybody. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I won’t, mum.”

“Thank you. I love you, Al.”

“I love you too, mum.” Alex then stood up, intending to go back upstairs to the only place he felt truly safe but Stacy yelled something to make him halt.

“You can go and see Simon if you still want to. Don’t worry about your chores.”

“I don’t really feel up to it anymore.”


	9. Chapter 9

”Alex, you awake?” A small voice woke the young boy up. He pulled the covers right up to his face and glanced into the darkness, afraid that someone had broken in or something. “It’s your dad.” The light then flickered on and Alex let out a sigh of relief as his eyes laid upon his dad. He was wearing a jacket, his snapback and skinny jeans; definitely not pyjamas. 

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked, yawning afterwards. He rubbed his eyes with his fists and blinked a few times before noticing the state Chase was in. He had obviously been crying and he kept pulling at the sleeves of his jacket, a sign of his nerves.

“You need to pack a bag. Just with necessities. A change of clothes, your phone... you know the stuff. Just, hurry.”

“What’s going on? I have school tomorrow...”

“Don’t ask questions. I’m getting you out of here and that’s all you need to know. I’m going to go pack some stuff for Sammy. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Please, be quiet.” Alex nodded, getting out of bed and yawning yet again. He took a short sip of the juice he had sitting beside his bed before grabbing his school backpack. It was just a plain black backpack, minimalistic like he had always liked. Before packing, he changed into some more appropriate clothes, consisting of a pair of skinny jeans and a large Pokémon sweatshirt. He unzipped his bag and shoved in a spare pair of jeans and a shirt before following it with his phone and his charger. 

Chase entered the room just as Alex was finishing up and trying to secretly shove his stuffed monkey in there without anyone noticing. Chase saw but didn’t say anything. “You ready to go?”

Alex nodded, throwing his backpack over his shoulders. “Where are we going?”

“I don’t know but we need to leave.” Chase’s hand was intertwined with Sammy’s. The young girl looked seriously out of it, her physical presence in the room and her mental presence elsewhere. She usually loved her sleep so it was probably due to the fact that Chase had just woke her up at three in the morning. She was wearing a Paw Patrol backpack on her back and was silent as Chase dragged her down the stairs. Alex also followed without saying a word.

“I don’t like the dark, daddy.” Sammy whined, gripping Chase’s hand and tugging at it to get her dad’s attention. 

“I know, honey but we need to leave now otherwise mummy will get angry. Don’t you want to go on an adventure?”

“Adventure! Adventure!” Sammy yelled, her mood changing substantially as if someone had flipped a switch inside her mind. 

“You need to be quiet though! We can’t wake people up or we’ll get caught.” Sammy nodded and Chase smiled through his worry as his daughter went quiet. Sammy then latched onto Alex’s hand too, choosing to lead the group herself. 

-

“Alex, did you bring your phone by any chance? Stacy took mine and I don’t know where she hides it so I couldn’t get it back.” Chase questioned as they stood outside a familiar house. It was tall and even looked friendly from the outside. The front garden was reasonably well kept with cute little flowers standing as tall as they could up the path. Jameson Jackson was well known for his love of gardening, as peculiar as it may seem.

“Uh, yeah...” Alex took his bag off of his shoulders and shoved his hand inside it, feeling around for the device before pulling it out and handing it to his dad. He took it graciously and asked Alex for the password. He entered it and shut down the apps Alex had had open in favour for the keypad where he dialled one of the only numbers he knew by heart (he only knew Marvin’s, his own and his mum’s).

“You have Marvin as a contact?” Chase questioned when the contact name appeared under the number.

“Yeah... from when you got hurt.” Alex mumbled, looking down at the high-tops on his feet.

“Ah,” Chase pressed the phone against his ear and waited for it to stop ringing. Just as he was losing hope and thinking Marvin wasn’t going to pick up, he muttered out a fairly groggy greeting. “I’m with the kids... outside your house.”

“You’re what? Give me a second,” The noise from the other end of the phone began to muffle before the line went dead and the front door of the house opened up to reveal the magician in his pyjamas with seriously messy bed hair. “Why aren’t you at home? In bed? Like a normal person?”

“That’s just it... we have nowhere to go.”

“Adventure!” Sammy screeched before remembering she needed to be quiet and hushing herself.

“Adventure..?”

“Yes... Stacy... she wasn’t treating me right and I just took it but then she hurt Alex and I can’t let him get hurt. We’re not safe there.”

“That bitch,” Marvin whispered, mostly to himself. “Come in. The others are still asleep,” The group followed Marvin into the house where Marvin took them to the kitchen. He filled up the kettle and switched it on. “Tea?”

“Please. I’m tired, man.” 

“What about you two little ones?” Marvin directed his attention to the children. His face was bright with life and enthusiasm because he was always working with children and he knew how to entertain, even in the darkest moments of their lives. Alex shrugged, refusing to meet Marvin’s gaze, even though they had messaged fairly regularly in the last few weeks (mostly updates on how things were).  


Sammy grinned, jumping up and down and yelling, “Hot chocolate! Hot chocolate!” Marvin barked out a laugh, grabbing four mugs out of the cupboard and placing them on the counter.

“I’ll have tea too then, I guess.” Alex eventually replied, watching closely as Marvin dropped three tea bags into the cups and then spooned some hot chocolate mixture into the final cup. The kettle then popped to signify the water boiling to a finish and Marvin began pouring it on top of the teabags and powder.

“Chase, two sugars. Alex...”

“One.”

“Awesome,” Marvin scooped in the sugar before mixing all of the beverages and leaving them to cool a little. “So, details. What did Stacy do that was bad enough to make you all flee to the humble abode of your best friend?”

“She slapped me,” Surprisingly, Alex was the one who spoke up. After staying quiet about Stacy and her abuse for so long, he was finally at the stage where Chase was and had had enough. “You know she was abusing dad. Well, I aggravated her and she slapped me in front of Sammy and dad.”

“Shit, man. I thought things were better?”

“A little. I mean, I hadn’t heard them shouting for a while and Chase didn’t seem too hurt but I guess I’m not around to see everything.”

“Well you’re all welcome to stay here as long as you need. Two people may need to sleep on the sofa though. We only really have Chase’s old bedroom free.”

“I don’t mind!” Alex replied with a tiny smile. Marvin nodded before Chase gestured to Sammy too. 

“Okay, it’s settled. After our drinks, I think we should all try to get a bit more rest.” Marvin handed Chase his tea and Sammy her hot chocolate before sipping at his own drink. The tea was warm as it travelled down his throat and helped wake him up a little more. They drank in silence, all thinking and staring out of the kitchen window. The sky was red and the darkness had subsided for the most part. It was pushing five in the morning by that point and birds were beginning to wake up and chirp, whilst early bird people were opening their curtains and preparing for the day ahead. The streets were calm that early in the morning, almost eerily so. It contrasted the erratic feelings of the family who were aware that they no longer had anywhere to call their own home. If it wasn’t for Marvin and his amazing hospitality, they’d be out on the streets in a much worse condition.

“Thank you,” Alex mumbled, being the first to finish and place his mug down on the side. “Is it okay if I try and sleep now? Do you have a blanket I can borrow?”

“Of course. Go lay down and I’ll fetch you one.” Alex nodded, heading into the living room and curling up on the sofa that was too small for his lanky body. It was fairly soft and comfy though, not that it mattered because he was so exhausted that he was out in seconds. Marvin returned with a blanket and smiled gently at the boy’s sleeping figure, laying it gently over the top of him. At some point during Marvin’s absence, Sammy had laid on the other sofa and was snoring gently. Chase was just standing in the doorway, watching his two children sleep calmly, despite the hectic events of the night.

“You remember where your room is?” Chase nodded, following the magician up the stairs.

It hadn’t changed a bit. His old Nerf gun collection was still standing proud on his shelves and his previous camera was even neatly placed on his desk. A pile of notebooks filled with plans for old videos and trick shots was tall and there was even a thin layer of dust on top of it. He bent down and blew it away. 

“No one has really come in here since you left. I mean, JJ tidied it up after you went but since then, we’ve just left it be.” Marvin’s voice startled Chase, making him turn around with wide eyes and a hand over his heart. 

“You scared me, dude!” He laughed but the laugh wasn’t even close to genuine. The memories of his happiest moments were coming back to him like a large wave, making him feel a little sea sick because of how violently the boat was rocking. Marvin approached him after seeing his face green a little and pat his back.

“You’re always safe here. We won’t let you or your children get hurt here, alright?”

Chase nodded.

“You should seriously sleep now. It’s late- or, well, really early. Goodnight.”

“Night.” Chase mumbled but as soon as Marvin closed the door, he was picking up one of the notebooks and sitting on his bed. He opened it up on a page full of little sketches of trick shots. He remembered them to be from the one video he made where he was throwing teabags into random places. He could picture the grand smile on his face and the ecstatic celebration he had every time he landed the trick shot. Back then, it had all been genuine. Tears filled his eyes as he grazed the sketch of a stickman doing a shot he had called, ‘ _the Easter egg hunt_ ’. An unexpected sob rose in his throat so he clamped a hand over his mouth to silence it.

He missed Chase Brody. Not the new and certainly not improved person he had become but he missed his happy self. He missed waking up in the morning and being excited for the new opportunities the day might have held. He missed having not a single care in the world so he could dare to try so many new things. He missed not being afraid of loud noises and yelling. 

Never once had he regretted having the children, even if they had originally tied him to the toxicity that was his and Stacy’s relationship. What he regretted was letting it get so bad. He should have ran away before Alex had been hurt.


	10. Chapter 10

“I didn’t expect to wake up at six in the morning just to have a heart attack when I see two kids sleeping on the sofa?!” Henrik yelled, staring at Marvin through wide eyes. The yelling was hardly comparable to Stacy’s though, as the doctor was merely excited. Marvin grinned and blushed rather bashfully.

“I told them they could stay here for a while, I hope that’s alright.” Marvin leant on the counter, his other hand holding onto a mug of coffee.

“Of course! Why though?”

“I’ll let Chase tell you. It isn’t really my business to share.”

“I understand. Are they alright?”

“Yep, probably just scared. I’m sure Alex is a bit shaken up. He’s been through a lot.”

“Oh, that’s sad to hear. Anything I can help with as the good doctor?”

“No, the pain is quite far from physical in this case.”

“Mornin’,” Chase grumbled, entering the kitchen and rubbing his eyes. “You better have coffee in this household. I could murder for some right now.”

“Please, no murder, the kids have been through enough.” Marvin chuckled, gesturing to a mug of steaming coffee he had already made the man. After getting to the house so late (or early) Marvin was entirely aware that Chase would need as much caffeine as he could get in order to function with that much sleep.

“You’re a lifesaver, Marv. What would I do without you?” Chase grabbed the mug and downed it a bit too quickly for it to be safe. The spectators, Henrik and Marvin, were fairly impressed and surprised that he managed not to choke.

“What happened then?” Henrik asked, sipping at his own coffee at a more normal speed. “With the kids?”

“Stacy. I never want her to see them again. She- She hasn’t really been treating me right and she hurt Alex yesterday. I needed to get them out of the house as quickly as possible to make sure it didn’t happen again. I’d take a bullet for those kids, I swear.”

“I’m sorry, Chase. We will look after you and treat you much better than she did, that’s a promise.”

“Thank you... Hey, where’s Jack? Still in bed?”

Henrik shook his head. “Didn’t you know? He moved in with Signe not too long ago.”

-

“Where’s mummy?” Sammy asked, her arms wrapped around her stuffed unicorn. “I want mummy.” She refused to sit still and was kicking their chair harshly with her dangling feet. Chase was bent down on his knees in front of her and Marvin was standing behind him with his arms neatly folded.

“You can’t see mummy, alright? She did a bad thing and might hurt you so I don’t want you to see her anymore.” Chase said, his voice soft as he laid a hand on her knee.

“I want mummy!” She wailed, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. She threw the unicorn across the room and angrily folded her arms against her chest, like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “I don’t want daddy! I hate daddy!”

“I’m sorry, Sammy but you can’t-“

She started to scream, high-pitched and shrilling so both men started to hush her as much as they could. “Your mummy won’t be around whilst you’re on this adventure.” Marvin tried, sitting down on the sofa beside the crying child.

“Why?”

Marvin glanced at Chase before answering the question. “If she finds you, she’ll ruin the fun. She doesn’t want you to go on adventures with Alex and your dad. She wants you to be stuck at home doing chores!”

Sammy pulled a face, sticking her tongue out and furrowing her eyebrows in discuss. “Yucky.”

“Yucky, indeed. You don’t want that so you have to listen to your daddy, alright?”

“Fine.”

“Good girl.” Chase picked up the stuffed unicorn and placed it back in his daughter’s lap before kissing her forehead.

-

“I have an idea,” Chase started before reaching into his backpack and pulling out a single key. “We should go and get some more of our stuff.”

“What about mum?” Alex questioned.

“We go whilst she’s at work. We can bring some of the other guys so we can carry stuff,” He glanced over at Jackieboy Man and Henrik who were sitting in the room. They nodded. “It’s settled.”

-

“I want to take everything...” Alex mumbled, glancing around his room. He had already shoved three pairs of skinny jeans, his second favourite hoodie and three shirts in. There was barely any space left but he planned on shoving as much as he could in there. He shoved in his sketchbook and a couple of his favourite books about psychology before glancing at his PlayStation games and frowning. He knew his bag couldn’t hold his PlayStation and that made him feel distraught. He missed being able to vent his frustration in his video games.

“You ready to go? Stacy’s due back in forty five minutes. I think we should head off in case she finishes early or something.” Chase said, poking his head around the door of Alex’s bedroom or... old bedroom.

“Yeah, I’m ready... I kind of don’t want to say goodbye. Even if this place just holds bad memories.”

“I know the feeling, Al. I miss it too. I’ll give you a moment.”

Chase left and quietly shut the door behind him. Alex turned to face his old room and was ashamed to admit that he felt himself tear up a little. He sat down on his bedcovers that were covered in beautiful galaxies that had once kept him warm on the coldest of days. He had been given them for his birthday when he was twelve-years-old after he ruined his old Star Wars ones. He glanced over to his bookcase that was filled with books that he loved and had always refused to part with. He even had old copies of Winnie-The-Pooh and Green Eggs and Ham. The two books that he had been obsessed with as a young child. The posters on his wall. They had originally been cartoons but then he tore them down and replaced them with his favourite bands because he wanted to be ‘cool’ like the other boys at school. He smiled at the memory but had never regretted the change, especially when he had Brendon Urie’s face staring at him all the time. The PlayStation. So many memories. He remembered his first ever game, Uncharted. He had begged and begged his mum for the console at Christmas because he was desperate to play the game. When he had received it, he screamed out of pure joy and hadn’t gotten off of it for weeks afterwards.

All in all, the room held so many memories that were close to Alex’s heart. He had been through so much in the bedroom and he was afraid to let it go. He threw his backpack onto his back and turned to the door, reaching out and turning the handle. “Goodbye, old room.” He whispered before leaving it behind.

He headed downstairs and out the front door where Jackieboy Man was waiting in the car. He got into the backseat and smiled softly at the hero. “You alright?” He asked. Alex just nodded, holding his backpack against his chest. “I have been told to tell you to close your eyes. Don’t ask why.”

“Uh... okay.” Alex shut his eyes and placed his hands over them for good measure. A few minutes later he heard the car boot close, followed by the passenger seat door closing.

“And open.” Chase said with a mischievous grin on his face.


	11. Chapter 11

“Alex, can you go and get me my notebook?” Chase asked, making Alex nod. He headed up to Chase’s bedroom and searched around for a little while before finding a pile of notebooks. There must have been five or six so he took the two that look the newest. One had a little skull on it and the other one was just plain blue. Alex had to fight the temptation to flick through them as he ran back downstairs to the living room.

“I wasn’t sure which one you wanted so I just-“ Alex rambled before cutting himself as he looked up to see Chase standing in front of him with his PlayStation in his hands.

“Tada!”

“Is that my PlayStation?!”

“Yep!”

“Oh my fuck- You’re the best dad ever! I thought I wouldn’t have been able to take it!” Alex started to jump up and down on the spot, his grin reaching his eyes for the first time in a while.

“I’ve got all of your games too!”

“I love you, dad! Can I set it up please?”

-

Chase didn’t sleep the next night either. He laid in bed for around an hour before he decided he was too restless to fall asleep so he got up and grabbed another one of the notebooks. His writing was so neat and, sometime between writing the notebooks and the present, it had become a scruffy, incoherent mess.

Past-Chase had also been filled with so many new, original video ideas. Pages were covered with prompts and ideational sketches. It was funny how all of Chase’s creativity and originality had vanished almost immediately after he entered an abusive relationship. Some of that was directly Stacy’s fault as she always shunned people with jobs on YouTube and thought they didn’t deserve fame. He shut the notebook as a tear fell down his pale cheek, placing it back in its place on his desk.

He found himself standing up, his body yearning to fulfil the ritual he had done whenever everyone was out or asleep. In that case, everyone was snoring away in their bedrooms so he took the chance to sneak downstairs. He knew where the other egos kept the alcohol: he had lived there at one point, after all. Remaining as quiet as possible, he crept downstairs and opened up the cupboard in the kitchen. Finding a few bottles of whisky was the absolute jackpot for him, even though he knew they didn’t belong to him. They were most likely JJ’s since the gentleman liked a glass occasionally.

Chase picked them up in his arms and headed back upstairs. He downed one. Then another. His eyesight became a bit blurred as colours were heightened and the world began to dance around him. Everything was enhanced except his emotions that were drowned and forgotten for a moment. He felt light, like a feather balancing in the wind. He let out a gentle laugh at the amazing feeling bubbling inside his chest before the sound of footsteps startled him.

Still aware of the potential threat, he kicked one of the bottles beneath his bed. He remained sitting on the mattress with his legs pulled up to his chest but he tried his best not to make it obvious. It must have still been fairly obvious because the first thing Marvin said when he entered the room was, “Are you drunk?” The smell had given him away. Both Chase and the room in general were filled with the stench of alcohol. 

“No,” Chase replied, dragging out the ‘o’ and hiccupping. His intoxicated state couldn’t have been more obvious, even if he had replied with ‘yes, I’m wasted’. “I’m not drunk.”

“Chase,” Marvin’s face fell as he sat down beside his friend on the bed. “I know it’s hard and all but please don’t console in alcohol. Console in me, your friend. It’s healthier and I give better advice.”

“Okay, I’m a little drunk but why does it matter?” His words were all slurred and his body was violently shaking. Chase was in such a state.

“This isn’t good for you. Do you drink often?”

“Whenever there’s nobody around. It’s nice to,” Hiccup. “Forget.”

“I know but this is just... unhealthy. Talk to us.” Marvin wrapped an arm around Chase, pulling him closer, even though his stench made him scrunch his nose up.

“Stacy fucking hits me. You know the story.”

“I do but you should tell us you aren’t coping.”

“Am coping. Just in bad ways.”

“Is there anything else?”

“Huh?”

“How else are you coping?”

“You don’t,” Hiccup. “Wanna know.”

“We’ll talk in the morning. You need to-“ Marvin was cut off as Chase’s soft lips were pressed against his own. He immediately shoved the other man away with wide eyes. “What the fuck are you doing?” Chase had literally fallen asleep in the magician’s arms so he couldn’t even reply.

-

Chase awoke with a pounding headache and a limited memory of the night before. The first thing he did was groan and swing his legs over the side of his bed, knocking over a half-empty bottle of whisky in the process. ‘Oh yeah,’ He remembered, placing a cold hand against his burning forehead. He used his other hand to pick up the bottles of whisky. ‘I drank.’

He rushed downstairs with the prayer that he wouldn’t run into anybody with the evidence of the night before in his hands. He threw away the empty bottles and shoved the half-filled one back where he had stolen it from. Just as he was running out of the kitchen, he ran right into Marvin’s chest, causing him to stumble back with a yelp. “You’re awake then,” Marvin said, his voice far astray from its usual gentle kindness. It was weird to hear the magician’s voice so monotone. “Everyone else is awake and in their rooms.”

“What time is it?” Chase was wincing against the glaring light from the window. Marvin moved to stand in front of the ray so that Chase could un-scrunch his face.

“Three in the afternoon.”

“What?!”

“Yep,” Marvin popped the ‘p’, folding his arms and staring at the man with a raised eyebrow. “I found you last night. In your room. Off of your face.”

“Did you?” Chase tried to recall any events from the night but all he could remember were shapes and blurs, nothing significant that would actually remind him what had happened. “It was a one-time thing, I swear.”

“That isn’t what you said last night. Do you remember anything at all?”

Marvin was staring at him as if there was something that he needed to recall but nothing was coming to mind. Chase was just blankly staring back. “No... Should I?”

“I’m not surprised honestly. You were so wasted. Imagine if one of your kids had been the one to find you? They don’t need another problem in their life.”

“I’m sorry... alright? It won’t happen again.”

“It better not...” Chase assumed that was the end of the conversation so attempted to turn to the door but Marvin spoke again, making him turn back. “About last night. You said something. You said you coped badly, what did you mean by that? Other than the alcohol, of course.” 

“I just meant the alcohol. That’s the only way I cope. It just helps me drown away my problems, you know?” Chase knew immediately what his intoxicated-self had been on about: self harm. That had been his other unhealthy coping mechanism but he vowed to stop now that he was living with so many people. It would be so easy for someone to walk in on him and send him to the doctor but he was okay. He was coping. The only reason he self harmed was because it let him have control over something. He didn’t want to die and leave the children behind... not yet anyway. His hands nervously started to pull at his sleeves.

“You sure?”

Chase nodded, not trusting his words anymore.

“Okay but you know you can speak to me and the other guys, alright? We’re all here for you.”


	12. Chapter 12

‘ _It’s all gone except half of one bottle. Who drank it without permission?_ ’ JJ was rapidly signing, so fast that it was hard for Chase to keep up after going so long without needing to read signs. Sammy and Alex had no idea how to sign and were just watching with confused expressions, waiting for someone to explain. ‘ _You know I will give some to you if you ask. You should not just take._ ’

Chase got up onto his feet, staring down at the floor as he raised a hand. “It was me. I took it.” He mumbled, making everyone’s- with the exception of Marvin’s- eyes widen. It was a funny sight, seeing a group of men’s eyes all widen at the exact same time. 

‘ _Why on earth would you do that? You stay in our house for one day and you steal my whisky. Preposterous!_ ’

“I’m sorry, JJ. It- I-“ Chase was obviously struggling to explain on his own and he seemed nervous too, based on his trembling form and how his eyes were darting everywhere but any of his friends’ eyes.

“I drank it with him. Last night we just drank. We didn’t mean to finish so much though; I guess we just got carried away.” Marvin spoke up, glancing momentarily at Chase to smile encouragingly. 

‘ _Next time, please ask._ ’

“Will do, Jameson.”

-

“Dad, can we go out or something? I hate being stuck inside this house with only my PlayStation...” Alex moaned, slouching back on the sofa. Sammy was sitting at his side, watching Paw Patrol on the TV and singing along with the theme as loudly as she could. “You know, I never thought I’d say that.”

“I know but I don’t... have much money.” Chase mumbled, slightly embarrassed to have to admit that to his child. Marvin was sitting on the other sofa, singing along with Sammy and making her giggle. He stopped singing when he heard what Chase had said.

“I can take you all out. My treat.” He said, grinning widely. 

“No, I can’t let you do that, Marvin.”

“They could come to one of my rehearsals for my magic shows! It won’t even cost anything.”

“Please, dad? I honestly couldn’t give a shit what we do as long as I can get out of this house,” He turned to Marvin. “No offence.”

“None taken but you probably shouldn’t swear in front of a seven-year-old.”

“Oh fu- yeah, sorry.”

Chase let out a small laugh which both Alex and Marvin were pleased to hear since he had been quiet ever since they moved into the house. “Sammy?”

“Magic!” She yelled because apparently she only ever really speaks in single word exclamations. 

“Okay, fine.”

“They can come tomorrow.”

“I kind of have homework...” Alex admitted.

“Since when did you care about homework?”

“True. Looks like we’re going tomorrow.”

-

Because Marvin was such a creative being, he had cut up a bin bag and made it into a cape for Sammy. He had even lent her one of his old hats that kept falling over her eyes because it was so big on her little head. She was ecstatic though, running around the theatre and even dancing on the stage, pretending she was a professional. Alex was a tad more mature, sitting in the front row and cheering his sister and the magician on. Chase was sitting beside him, watching his children smile and absolutely loving it. In the moment, they could all forget the sad things that could have happened.

“Sammy, I need you to take a seat as I run through the show once,” Marvin explained, gesturing to the seat beside Chase. The girl pouted but (practically) leaped off of the stage and took a seat. “Welcome my little magician, fairly average-sized magician and very tall magician. Just so you know, the fairly average-sized magician is Chase,” Chase rolled his eyes but laughed a little. “I, Marvin the Magnificent, will amaze you tonight with my spells and chants!” He thrust his arms out and looked up at the ceiling. A spotlight appeared on him, illuminating his body and making him look like some sort of superhero. “First up, the classic: rabbit in a hat trick. Young lady in the front row, throw me your hat!” Sammy squealed, jumping onto her feet and throwing her hat onto the stage.

Marvin caught it and showed the crowd that it was empty by holding it upside down. He then waved his magic wand over the top of it and sparkles were released from it. Then he shoved his hand into the hat and pulled out a stuffed rabbit. Sammy was clapping rapidly and screaming cheers, holding out her hands as Marvin threw the rabbit and the hat at her. 

Continuing the show, Marvin talked some more and did a few more tricks. Part way through, Chase stopped paying attention. He was focused on everyone else in the room. Sammy’s face was bright red and glowing, the excitement clear in her expression. Alex was less obvious with his excitement but he was still enjoying it, a wide smile on his face. He loved to see his children happy. What made him slightly more puzzled was how much he found himself looking at Marvin. Sure, his show was magnificent, just as its name suggested, but that wasn’t what his focus was trained on. 

His lips were moving fast to keep everyone’s attention and Chase couldn’t help but think about how soft they looked. He also noticed how handsome his face looked under the bright spotlight, his eyebrows constantly raised and his mouth glued into a smile. It was rather... cute. Seeing him so happy. He was calling him cute and handsome in a totally platonic kind of way but he couldn’t help but feel _wrong_. He wasn’t gay. He had married Stacy. It was okay for him to think of his friend as handsome and cute in a way that was purely friendly, wasn’t it?

“Chase?” Someone yelled, snapping him out of his daze of thoughts. Alex, Sammy and Marvin were all staring at him with concern in their expressions. 

“Sorry, I zoned out.” He replied.

“Did you not like the show?”

“Is it over?”

“Yes? It has been for like... ten minutes.”

“It was good... yeah, good.”

“What was your favourite part then?”

“The part where you... did that magic trick... where you...” He kept trailing off, a sign that he hadn’t paid attention at all. Marvin sat down on the edge of the stage and sighed, folding his arms.

“You didn’t watch it at all, did you? I thought you supported this?”

“I do-“

“Then why were you zoned out the entire time?”

Chase couldn’t exactly stand up and yell ‘because I was so transfixed by your face’ so he just stayed silent and glanced down at his lap. 

“Thanks for nothing. Did you two at least enjoy it?”

Sammy grinned, nodding her head so much that they were all surprised it wasn’t a blur. “Can I keep the bunny?” She asked, gripping the stuffed rabbit from the opening trick. It was soft and it brought her a surprising amount of comfort. Chase secretly hoped she would stop dragging the unicorn Stacy had got her around and replace it with the rabbit instead. 

“Of course you can, sweetheart. Alex, what did you think? It wasn’t too childish or anything, right?”

“No, it was amazing. I loved it. A little disappointed I didn’t get a stuffed rabbit though.”

“Aren’t you too cool for stuffed toys?”

“I was joking.”

“Do you want one?” Alex opened his mouth to reply but was too slow. Marvin had already stolen the hat right off of Sammy’s head and started waving his magic wand around. He then pulled out a second rabbit that looked slightly different to Sammy’s as it was wearing sunglasses. “I gave him sunglasses so he’s a little more cooler.”

“Sick!” Chase and Marvin laughed at the teenage boy’s enthusiasm and he went bright red, dropping his eyes to the floor. “I am definitely not excited over a toy rabbit.”

“It’s okay if you are. We don’t judge in this family.” Chase said without really thinking.

“Am I part of this judgement-free family?”

Now that the idea had been brought up, Chase couldn’t help but imagine it. Marvin as the kids’ second dad, showing them how to do magic tricks and entertaining them for hours. Marvin would definitely give them the love that they deserved and wouldn’t ever judge them for whoever or whatever they wanted to be. He’d make a perfect father.

“Hello?” Marvin waved a hand in front of Chase’s face, bringing him back to reality.

“Oh yes, yes you are.” He said it as if he was joking. He wasn’t really. He was more of a parent to the children than Stacy had ever been.

“Uncle Marvin.” Alex muttered beneath his breath, Sammy being the only one who picked up on it.

“Unc-y Marvy!” Sammy then started to yell, running up and down the theatre and waving her hand whilst the rest of them laughed loudly at her silliness.


	13. Chapter 13

As Chase lay in bed at night, his thoughts were consumed by Marvin. It was peculiar how one day he was a best friend and, the next, Chase couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was confused, to say the least. He was confused mainly as to why Marvin mattered so much to him. He let out a gentle sigh, body itching for an alcoholic beverage to drown out the thoughts. He knew full well that JJ hadn’t bought any more whisky so he couldn’t drink. He had to stay sober and just face the thoughts that were haunting him. 

Then he remembered something. Something he had vowed to stop after moving in with his friends. The vow was ignored as he stood up and took a shaky step towards the bathroom. His mind began to swirl with questions like ‘ _could he really do this?_ ’ and ‘ _what if someone found them?_ ’ and, although the interrogatives remained unanswered, he slowly headed towards the bathroom. He grabbed his razor from its place up in the cupboards and sat on the floor. He ripped it apart with precision that could have been considered expertise had the job been a bit more positive. Chase hated to admit he knew what he was doing.

The blade was sharp and unused. He had brought it but ended up skipping a few days shaving as he settled into the new home. The razor was going to be put to a new use. He pressed it into the skin of his left wrist, his arm shaking as he did so. The somewhat faded scars surrounding it seemed brighter than ever, taunting him to continue and give them new friends. Chase did what they wanted until his arm was covered in red.

He stood up and glanced into the mirror, hardly recognising his happy self from just earlier that day when they had taken the trip to see Marvin’s magic show. His hair was dishevelled and his eyes were bright red from all the tears he had cried. He was holding his bleeding arm up to his chest without getting any of the red on his shirt. He was a mess, a broken one at that. “Why are you thinking about him so much?” Chase muttered to himself, staring into his eyes as if he would be able to hypnotise himself into giving some sort of answer. Of course, it did not work. “Why do I imagine us kissing? Why did I stare at him for so long earlier? Why is he _haunting_ me?”

Deep down, he had his assumptions. He just couldn’t get them to rise to the surface so he could finally admit it. He remained silent as he leaned forward and washed his arm. It eventually stopped bleeding so he slipped his sleeve back over the top of it. “I am not gay.”

-

A week or so passed. Alex and Sammy went back to school and Chase recorded videos at home. Chase barely got any sleep because of the thoughts that plagued him but no one really seemed to notice. He had gotten back into his unhealthy habit of self harming almost every day and, as much as he hated himself for doing it, he didn’t stop. Nothing else that was major happened until the day Alex came home from school crying.

His face was pale and smothered in wet tears; it was heartbreaking for Chase to see. “What happened, Al? Are you alright?” Chase couldn’t help but notice how heavily he was breathing too, as if he was either having a panic attack or had run a long distance.

“I saw mum,” He sobbed, burying his head into Chase’s chest for comfort. Chase wrapped his arms around him. “She was waiting for me outside of school. She grabbed my arm really hard and told me to come home but I managed to run.”

“Did she hurt you?” 

“Not really but she scared me. She said...”

“What did she say, Alex?”

“She threatened to find you and hurt you if I didn’t come home but that isn’t it...” Alex reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone, holding it out for Chase to take. “Go into my messages.” Chase did as he was told and his eyes immediately laid upon the top conversation with an unknown number. He scrolled through them and bit his lip to hold back tears.

_Alex, where are you?_

_I’m worried_

_Come home_

_Alex, come home right now._

_I swear, if you don’t come home, I’m going to find you and drag you home myself and it won’t be pretty_

_I can do more than just a slap_

_Maybe I could even go further with your dad. Ban you from seeing him completely. He always has been a bad influence with his gay friends and pathetic excuse for manliness._

_Do you want me to come and find you?_

_Come home. This is your last chance._

The messages had been spread out from the day they had left Stacy’s to the present. The last one had been that morning, before Stacy had approached her son at school. Chase turned the phone to show Marvin whose eyes scanned them quickly before he raised a hand to his mouth in shock.

“We need to get the police involved,” Marvin was the one who spoke, his voice so soft that it was barely there. Chase turned to him and rapidly shook his head whilst Alex just kept his gaze on the ground. “These are serious threats.”

“We can’t put her in jail.” Chase mumbled, biting his lip so hard that it was beginning to draw blood.

“Why not? She made your life hell.”

“I want to forget about her and going to court and shit... it’s too much. I can’t handle it and I’m sure Alex can’t either.”

“Fine. How about we talk to her? Tell her to fuck off.”

“I don’t want to see her!” Alex piped up, his voice quivering with fear.

“You won’t have to. I’ll do it... or I’ll send Anti her way. You know Anti will make it so she never bothers you again but it might get nasty.”

“Do it. She deserves it.” Marvin smiled softly before standing up and heading to fetch Anti. Chase turned to his son and wrapped him into another tight embrace. “We’ll be alright, Al. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll- I’ll pick you up from school for now on.” He rubbed his hand on Alex’s back in circles, listening to his gentle cries and wishing he could make him happier.

-

Anti returned home an hour after he left, entering the home and immediately approaching Marvin who was sitting on the sofa with a mug of coffee in his hands. “I think she got the message.”


	14. Chapter 14

It was the middle of the day and Chase was itching to hurt himself. He had felt numb the entire morning and was urging to feel something; even if that something was pain. Alex and Sammy were at school, Henrik and Jackieboy Man were at work and everyone else was scattered around the house doing their own thing. It was too risky to do anything. He needed to wait until night.

He tried to calm himself down by recording a video but his body was too jittery to actually do any trick shots to the best of his ability. He also tried drawing and writing but he was too restless to sit down and commit to doing one of the activities. He even tried starting a conversation with Marvin over something seriously random just to take his mind off of him. After mentioning a random fact about how elephants are the only animal that can’t jump, Marvin stared at him as if he was on drugs so he left the room as quickly as he entered it.

Slightly regretfully, Chase ended up in the bathroom. His razor was on the floor in front of him and his hands were threaded in his hair. He was pulling at it with his eyes scrunched shut, trying so hard not to give into temptations. Marvin’s room was literally right next to the bathroom and Jackieboy Man’s was the other side (but Jackieboy Man was out so it didn’t really matter). He let out a single sob and immediately moved one hand to cover his mouth, feeling the salty tears that were laying on his cheeks. Once a few moments passed and he didn’t hear any footsteps, he moved the hand back to his hair. His legs moved to his chest to make his body as small as possible as if it would help defend him from the demons in his head.

What made it so much worse was that he was imagining Marvin finding him. The only reason he wasn’t making any effort to press the razor into his arm was because he was imagining Marvin’s distraught face when he found him. He didn’t want to hurt him. He couldn’t let Marvin find him out. He buried his head into his knees, his breath hitching as more tears trailed down his cheeks. A knock sounded on the door and Chase cursed himself for not hearing the footsteps. “I’m in here!” He yelled, his voice making it obvious that he had been crying.

“Are you crying?” Surprisingly, it wasn't Marvin’s voice he heard, but Anti’s. “If you are then I’ll- I’ll go and get Marvin. I can’t deal with this shit.”

“I’m not crying... just give me a moment.” Chase rapidly grabbed the razor and placed it back where it belonged before ensuring nothing else would give away what he had been doing. He rubbed his eyes with his fists before opening up the door and lowering his head as he walked passed Anti.

“Don’t be ashamed, dude. Everyone cries sometimes and you- you’ve been through shit so I guess it’s expected. I’ll go and... uh... get Marvin.” 

“Please don’t tell Marv... I wasn’t crying, I swear.”

Anti glanced at Chase as if he was completely aware Chase was talking shit (which he was) but didn’t say anything as Chase pushed passed him and headed back to his own room.

-

“How was school?” Chase asked, reaching up to ruffle his son’s hair as they walked down the road back home.

“Dad...” Alex whined, taking a step away so that there was a bigger gap between the pair. He kept glancing around until Chase followed his gaze to see a group of boys around Alex’s age.

“Are they bothering you?”

“No,” Alex’s eyes widened. “Please don’t talk to them.”

“What have they been doing? Should we go back and talk to a teacher?”

“No, no. Please, dad. I just want to go home.”

“Talk to me, Alex...”

“Simon came out as gay on his Instagram the other day and people keep shouting at us and saying we’re together...” Alex mumbled so quietly that it was almost incoherent but Chase picked most of it up.

“Are you?”

“No!” He yelled.

“Are you... homophobic?”

“No, no I’m not. It’s just... really annoying. They yell abuse at us 24/7 and it reminds me of you and mum sometimes. I hate it! I hate shouting and- and I just-“

“Alex, calm down, you’re panicking,” Chase attempted to wrap his arms around his son to calm him down but he was just shoved away. Alex’s breaths were erratic and his entire body was shaking but he refused all comfort from his father. They were standing in the middle of the street and the boys were getting closer but he couldn’t move forward because his legs were glued to the ground. “Breathe-“

“I hate you! I wish we were a normal family!” Alex then took off down the street like lightning, leaving Chase frozen on the spot, staring at his son’s figure getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

-

“You don’t understand, I need it- I need it, Marvin. Just get out of my fucking way!” Chase was screaming as tears fell down his cheeks and he flailed against Marvin’s strong arms around his chest. There was merely half a bottle of whisky in the cupboard but Chase was desperate for any sort of intoxication. 

“No, please calm down and tell me what happened? Where’s Alex?” Marvin’s voice was soft so that he didn’t startle Chase who was amidst a breakdown.

“He hates me. What’s my point in living if my own kid hates me?” Chase reached out his arm as a final attempt to reach for the bottle of whisky, even though there wasn’t any chance that he would be able to even brush his fingertips against it. Marvin reached up and grabbed Chase’s arm before letting go immediately as Chase yelped. Chase stumbled backwards, his frantic sobbing and yelling fading to nothing as he realised what had happened.

“Have you hurt your wrist?”

“No, no-“

“Then why did you react like that when I touched your wrist? Chase, let me see.” Chase backed up as Marvin stepped forward until his back was right up against the wall. He looked petrified, his eyes wide and pleading as he stared desperately into his friend’s eyes. Marvin raised a hand to reach for Chase’s arm. Chase’s response was to lift his hands to cover his face in defence. “Did you think- Chase, fuck, I’m so sorry.” Chase was back to his full on sobbing and he threw himself at his friend, wrapping his arms around Marvin and crying into his chest.

“It wasn’t you. I saw her for like a millisecond and it scared me. I’d never think you’d hit me.”

“I won’t. I swear,” Marvin dropped the topic of Chase’s wrist in favour of comforting him. He sat them down on the sofa so that Chase’s head was lying on his lap. “Close your eyes.”

“Are you going to tell me a bedtime story?” Chase joked, his breath hitching as he spoke. He still wasn’t completely calm and it was evident in his tone.

“No, I’m going to calm you down, alright? Just roll with it.” Marvin threaded his hands into Chase’s hair and played with it, twirling it around his fingers. Marvin then shut his own eyes and began to hum a tune, soft and calm to assist Chase with falling asleep. It wasn’t long before Chase had fallen asleep... Marvin had too.

-

Alex shut the door behind him, hoping to just sneak upstairs without being noticed. He managed to get half way into the living room before noticing his sleeping dad and his friend. He frowned before heading up the stairs to his room.


	15. Chapter 15

“I’m sorry for what I said to you...” Alex mumbled, genuinely sorry. He was standing in front of Chase with his hands in his pockets and his head facing the floor. Chase was examining his face in search of sarcasm but found nothing but nerves. “I don’t hate you and I don’t wish we were a normal family. I would never want to replace you or Sammy.”

“I know, you were upset. You don’t need to apologise.” Chase replied, bringing a hand through his hair that was still messy after Marvin had been playing with it. His heart beat a little faster just thinking about Marvin’s hands in his hair as his head was laid on his lap. 

“I really do love you, dad. I’m sorry you married mum and had me and Sammy so you felt you couldn’t leave.”

“That is not how I feel. I love you both and have never once regretted having you.” Alex pulled his dad into a hug and he never wanted to let go.

-

“How would you two feel about going into town?” Marvin offered, making both of the children’s eyes light up like the sun. 

“Yes! I really need a new jumper. Two just isn’t enough in winter.” Alex replied with a small grin, pulling his long sleeves over his hands.

“Shopping!” Sammy screeched, running around the room like the bundle of energy she was. She had her unicorn tucked under one arm and the rabbit Marvin had given her under the other.

“Marv... I don’t have any money...” Chase admitted, scratching the back of his head. 

“It’s no problem. My treat.”

-

“Don’t spend too much, I don’t want Marvin to feel like he has to buy us all new things. I will start earning a bit more soon. My channel’s just a bit on the down low right now. Things will start to look up soon, I promise.”

Alex and Sammy nodded. Sammy then grabbed Marvin and Chase’s hands before dragging them into the first toy store they saw. She continuously jabbed her new ‘uncle’’s sides until he bought her another stuffed toy, that time a lion. Alex then pulled them into a clothes shop where he bought another pair of ripped jeans and a hoodie. Chase was asked if there was anything he wanted but he simply shook his head, not wanting to spend all of Marvin’s money. In reality, he was in need of a new jacket because a few of the buttons on his one had fallen off but he didn’t mind. If his kids were happy, he’d live out of a cardboard box.

When Alex had disappeared into CeX, his favourite video games store, Chase turned to Marvin who was holding Sammy’s hand. “You don’t need to buy them all this stuff. I’ll be getting money soon...” Chase started, refusing to meet his friend’s gaze. He shoved his hands into his button-less jacket, blushing ever so slightly when Marvin laughed.

“I want to, alright? I love them as if they were family.”

“Thank you for this. You’re the best. I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.”

“You won’t need to, alright? I’m just doing this because I love you.”

Knowing full well Marvin meant it platonically, Chase let out a short sigh. He refused to admit that his heart skipped a beat and his palms began to feel clammy at the thought. He really hated the way he was beginning to feel and was shoving it away as much as he could. He was straight and married to a woman (even if they weren’t technically together anymore). “I love you too, man.” Chase replied, feeling like there was a bit more authenticity in his own statement.

-

“Movie night!” Jackieboy Man yelled, his voice so loud that it made Chase flinch a little but no one really noticed. The man just sunk back in his seat and focused on his breaths for a moment until he was stable again. “What first?”

“Star Wars. Just anything Star Wars.” Alex replied with a wide grin. Alex would never have smiled so wide if they were still at home with Stacy.

“Do you remember those bed covers you had when you were little? You were so upset when you ruined them.” Chase spoke up.

“I know...”

“I vote Guardians Of The Galaxy!” Marvin said from his seat beside Chase and Sammy.

“I’m with Marv.” A voice spoke up from the other sofa. Based on the German accent, it was Henrik von Schneeplestein. JJ’s hands were moving too to signify his agreement.

“Ha!” Marvin poked his tongue out like a toddler at Alex who just folded his arms and sat back on the sofa. “Guardians Of The Galaxy is the best film confirmed.”

“Fuck off.” 

“Language!” Chase jokingly clasped his hands over Sammy’s little ears but the girl just giggled loudly, kicking her legs against the sofa. Jackieboy Man stood up and headed over to the PlayStation, opening up the movie’s box and placing the disk into the console. The TV came to life, displaying the PlayStation logo before questioning who was using the console. 

“Chase, can you pass me the Doritos?” Marvin questioned, making Chase nod and happily comply. He leaned forward to the table that was closer to him and grasped the bowl. He heard a shaky sigh from beside him and glanced again at his best friend before back at the Doritos. His sleeve had ridden up slightly to reveal a few red lines. Chase hurriedly shoved the bowl into Marvin’s hands, mumbling something about how he scratched it after falling over. Marvin nodded but obviously didn’t believe him: he sent him that look that basically said _we will talk later_. 

Chase gulped, biting his lip and staring directly at front of him at the TV screen. He wasn’t watching the movie though, he was thinking about how he had thrown himself head-first into one of the worst possible situations. His body was shaking and his breathing wasn’t steady as he played through the potential outcomes in his head. Of course, there were some good ones but he skipped straight over them, instead dwelling on the bad. He contemplated Marvin kicking him out, Marvin telling everybody and the worst: Marvin becoming like Stacy. Maybe seeing the marks would just confirm to his friend about how pathetic Chase really was.

He got up onto his feet when it became a little too much. Everyone turned to stare at him and he looked directly at Marvin through anxious, tear-filled eyes. “I’m just going to the toilet.” He muttered before racing out into the hallway to the bathroom.

He slammed the door a bit too loudly, leaning on the wall so he didn’t collapse. The bathroom was box-shaped and rather small but never had it felt so cramped. His brain fed him the illusion that it was just gradually reducing in size, eventually going to be so small that he would need to curl up or get crushed. Before he knew it, he was laying on the floor with his arms wrapped around his legs. He could hear the movie because Jackieboy Man had put it on at an unnecessarily loud volume. He hadn’t minded at the beginning but it was becoming too much. The booming was making the world tremble and shake, spinning and dancing around Chase who was breathing heavily. He wasn’t even crying, just staring and shaking as his teeth chattered and he panicked.

Time was forgotten as Chase scrunched his eyes scrunched shut and his hands moved to pull at his hair. His friends were all just a couple of rooms away, enjoying Jackieboy Man’s favourite movie and laughing at the comedy, leaning forward at the action and cheering on the good guys (with the exception of Anti who always routed for the enemy because he thought it made him seem edgy). They were all enveloped in the film whilst Chase was having a breakdown. 

A soft knock on the door brought Chase back to the harsh reality. The room appeared to be its normal size and the noises were no longer being amplified. His breathing was still raged and heavy and he still felt extremely nauseated but less so. “You alright in there? You’ve been in here for ages.” It sounded like Marvin but Marvin was the last person he wanted to talk to in that moment.

“Yeah, I- I’m fine...” Chase said, his voice quivering. He got up onto his feet, his legs like jelly beneath him, so much so that he was surprised they were still managing to hold him up. He flushed the toilet to try and make what he was doing a bit less obvious then opened the door and walked out into the hallway. He pushed passed Marvin with his head hung low so his red eyes were hidden from his sight. “Actually, I’m not feeling too well. I’m going to go and lay down.”


	16. Chapter 16

Chase was just laying in bed, staring a hole into the wall, when he felt the end of the bed sink. “You know I saw, right?” Marvin’s voice was soft but _too_ soft. Chase wasn’t asking for sympathy or pity; he just wanted Marvin to never bring it up and forget about it. Surely it wasn’t that big a deal, even to his best friend. There were worse things Chase could do. Chase’s mouth was too dry to speak so Marvin decided to continue anyway. He reached out for Chase’s arm that was covered by a plain black hoodie. He, ever-so-gently, lifted the sleeve up to reveal the damage Chase had done to his own body. Marvin’s breath hitched so Chase snapped his arm away from his friend’s grip.

“Marvin, don’t tell anybody please... I’m fine. I don’t do it often, only when it’s really bad and- and it helps.” Tears were beginning to spill down Chase’s cheeks, making him look small and vulnerable. Despite being a fully grown adult, he might as well have been a little kid again due to how fragile he seemed. 

“It doesn’t help. As much as you think it does. You shouldn’t do this to yourself...” Marvin’s own voice was trembling too and Chase frowned as he saw a tear slip from his friend’s eye.

“Please don’t cry. I- I’ll stop. Just please don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you. I love you, okay?”

Chase let out a broken sob at Marvin’s final statement because he knew it was purely platonic. Maybe that was for the best because he was still figuring out the mess of feelings he was withholding.

“Why would you do this though? You’re so- so beautiful and amazing and Stacy never deserved you. You’re safe here and none of us will ever leave you or- or hurt you. You’re seriously loved, Chase...” It was becoming hard for the magician to speak as his tears picked up and he let out his own, broken sobs. All he wanted was for his friend to find happiness.

“It helps me feel like I have control and can- can _feel_ , you know? I just feel so fucking numb all the time and I hate it. I hate doing it and wish I wouldn’t but I need to.”

“Listen to me,” Chase sat up and Marvin wrapped his arms around his neck. Their faces were just inches apart and Chase could literally feel the magician’s warm breath against his face. “You do not need to. If you ever feel like you do, come speak to me instead, I’m begging you. I’ll do anything I can to distract you.”

“I’m such a burden already though... You buy all my kids the stuff I can’t afford and that’s more than enough. I don’t want you to have to look after me too like- like I’m a kid. I’m an adult; I- I can survive on my own.”

Marvin shook his head. “I want to help you. I’m choosing to do this. You aren’t a burden at all and I would never ever replace you with someone else,” Marvin leaned forward and, for one bizarre moment, Chase thought he was going to kiss him. His lips simply brushed Chase’s pale cheek but that was enough to send his heart into a frenzy. “Talk to me next time, please.” Chase nodded but he wasn’t really paying attention anymore. His body felt weak and he felt a little lightheaded after being so close to his best friend. Whatever the feelings were that he had, they were not good and he needed to get rid of them as soon as possible.

-

Chase had thought up a solution to his whole ‘feelings’ problem. Sort of. He was going to try and avoid the magician as much as possible which had the potential to hurt him but it would hurt so much less than if Marvin found out about the way he felt. If he did, there was about a 90% chance that Chase would be kicked out and would have to live on the streets with his two children who had done absolutely nothing wrong. He couldn’t risk that, even if it did leave a 10% chance that he would still be able to live in the house.

So, when Marvin asked if Chase and the kids wanted to go the cinema to see a movie that had recently come out. Chase reluctantly declined, making up some excuse about needing to film some extra videos to bump up his revenue. He could try and record more but his subscriber count was continuously declining and there wasn’t much he could do about it. All the comments were things like ‘ _You’ve lost all of your energy. You’re just not the same anymore, sorry_ ’ and ‘ _You look depressed, man. Maybe get some help or some shit because it just isn’t fun watching a dude doing trick shots, looking like he’d rather be dead_ ’. Most of the comments were true because Chase had lost most of his enthusiasm for the platform after going through the abuse with Stacy. He had lost his enthusiasm for a lot of the things he had once enjoyed. 

“Are you sure? Last week you were really excited to go.” Marvin questioned, his eyes fixed into an interrogative stare. He was one of the only people who could read Chase like an open book. It was horrible, especially after Marvin had found out about Chase’s unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

“I’m sure. Have fun though.” Chase kissed Sammy on the forehead and pat Alex’s back before turning around and going upstairs to record.


	17. Chapter 17

Chase resorted to hiding in his bedroom all of the time to avoid bumping into Marvin accidentally and starting an awkward conversation where he’d have to shut his friend down as quickly as possible. He read through his old notebooks a lot, highlighting good ideas that he had forgotten about and never focused on. He also recorded extra videos, including a down-to-earth vlog where he explained some of the things going on in his life that he wasn’t too afraid to admit to his small following. The response to the vlog was impeccable, comments flooding in about how they all supported him and would understand if he needed a break. He read through the comments with a gentle smile, watching as his subscriber count built up a little too. One comment stuck out over all of the rest and it would definitely have been the only one Chase would remember and dwell on.

_He claims he has been abused by this woman but how do we know he isn’t lying? Maybe the girl was doing it in self defence and Chase was just edging her on. In my eyes, it’s more likely that Chase was the abuser or this is some made up story to gain subscribers or something. That’s seriously low if you ask me :\_

Chase was about to reply and defend himself, stating how he wasn’t the abuser and he would never treat anybody that way but it appeared that people had already beaten him to it. A few people had stood as his defence and it made Chase immensely grateful. Maybe his YouTube channel wasn’t as hopeless as he had once thought.

_Chase does not seem like the type of guy to fake abuse or be an abuser... I may not know him irl but he seems like a lovely guy and, if you actually watched his videos, you’d see that he hasn’t been doing well. It’s obvious he’s been struggling but he’s still been posting videos and working through it which is amazing. I’m proud of Chase and you should be too._

_I’m sorry but do you even watch Chase?! He has never once come across to me as someone who would lie for views or abuse someone. He has always seemed so nice and, honestly, I wish I could subscribe a thousand times and like this video much more. He’s so strong for coming out to his audience about this: it can’t have been easy._

He shut off his phone with a gentle sigh. He was almost happy for the first time in a while. People actually cared about his channel and it made him feel _loved_ and, well, _wanted_. Suddenly, he didn’t care about the feelings he had for Marvin or what had happened with Stacy. All he cared about was that people subscribed to _his_ channel to watch _him_ and maybe it wasn’t all going downhill like he had previously anticipated. Maybe he had a reason to continue posting and get back into his channel again. Maybe people got excited when they saw a notification that he had posted a video. Maybe he wasn’t as disliked as he had originally thought.

A knock on his door made him look up. It then opened up to reveal Marvin smiling softly at him. “Jackieboy Man and Anti cooked dinner and we’re going to actually eat it as a... family for once so it would be nice if you came downstairs.”

“Okay.” Chase stood up and stretched his arms outwards.

“Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You haven’t been hanging out with us lately... you’ve been a lot more reserved.”

“Maybe I’m just antisocial or I have a lot of work to do.”

“...Right,” Chase walked passed Marvin and began to head downstairs until the magician spoke up again. “I saw your video yesterday.”

“You watch my videos?” Chase was certainly surprised to learn that. He had never thought that anyone he knew personally watched his videos or were even subscribed, let alone his best friend. It was peculiar to imagine Marvin sitting down in front of a computer or his phone, wasting a few minutes of his day watching Chase’s content.

“Of course I do. I love your videos! But that isn’t my point... what I was going to say was I’m really proud of you. It takes guts to post something like that to an audience like yours. You showed a vulnerable side of yourself that most guys would be too afraid to show.” 

Chase opened his mouth to reply with a small, “Thank you” but he wasn’t able to elaborate because they had made it to the kitchen where the others were all squished around the table. It was hard to fit eight people around a table meant for six but they managed... somehow. Alex and Sammy were both added into the corners where they had barely any arm space but they didn’t mind because of the amazing meal in front of them.

Chase glanced around the room and noticed how messy it was but didn’t say anything. In all honesty, he had expected Anti and Jackieboy Man to make a worse mess. A couple of empty pans on the stove, some rogue spaghetti and some sauce splattered over the side was impressive for the pair who weren’t huge fans of each other. They had probably argued throughout the whole cooking process so even a decent result would have been pretty surprising.

The spaghetti sitting in front of the group was steaming and smelt amazing. Chase reluctantly took a seat beside Marvin and immediately picked up his cutlery. It had been a while since he had sat down and had a proper dinner since he had mostly been sneaking down after everyone else was asleep and making himself a sandwich. 

After everyone was finishing and heading up to their rooms, Chase decided to be the one to clean up. He picked up everyone’s plates and piled them up before opening the dishwasher and placing them in one by one. Someone else started to help him by placing the cutlery into its designated slot. Chase looked up and met the soft blue eyes of Marvin. He backed up a little. “I need to go film.” He muttered before trying to flee the room but Marvin gently grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving.

“Are you avoiding me? It seems like you are... Have I done something wrong? If I have, please tell me.” Marvin even stopped with what he was doing to lean against the counter.

“You haven’t done anything. I just- I need to think about some things and I’d rather be alone.” Chase tried to tug his arm away from Marvin but Marvin’s grip grew tighter.

“What?”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“Why not? I’m your friend and you know you can trust me with anything, right?”

“Yes, I do. Just not this.”

“Chase, please-“

“I’m not a child! I don’t need to be constantly watched over! I know what I am doing and can look after myself. How about you trust _me_ for once?”

“I just want you to be okay. After finding out-“

“Stop. Just _stop_ , okay?” Marvin released Chase’s arm and he stormed out of the room, leaving Marvin in shock. He stared at the spot where his friend had been standing for a few moments with furrowed eyebrows before continuing with putting the dishes in the dishwasher.


	18. Chapter 18

Chase waited until the sun had long since gone down and everyone was asleep in the safety of their bedrooms (or their sofas) before sneaking downstairs. He slipped on a pair of shoes, pulled on his button-less jacket and left the house as quietly as possible. He put his snapback on his head, despite it being the middle of the night, and headed down the street to the nearest bar within walking distance.

It only took around ten minutes to get there but he rushed inside and ordered as many shots as humanly possible. He downed them all as quickly as he could, not at all savouring the burning as the liquid travelled down his throat. Soon enough, he was seriously drunk, like a teenage boy at a party, absentminded of his own limits. Chase, however, knew his limit and all he wanted was to push it. He stumbled outside before realising he had no idea where to go. He was walking continuously forward and stumbling over his own two feet over and over again.

It wasn’t long before he was hopelessly lost. He didn’t really realise the danger of being lost in complete darkness with the exception of the streetlights. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up his keypad with hands that were shaking so much that they were almost blurred. He clicked into the last number he had called and held it up to his ear.

“It’s four in the morning. Why the fuck are-“ The person on the other side of the line said, sounding extremely groggy and tired. Chase had probably woke him up.

“I’m,” Chase hiccupped. “A bit lost.”

“Are you not home?”

“No. I snuck out.”

“Are you alright, Chase?”

Chase giggled, the alcohol in his system making everything seem so much more humorous than it actually was. If he was lost in the middle of the night and sober, the chances were he’d be terrified and definitely not laughing. “Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ and continued to throw his head back, laughing at absolutely nothing.

“Are you drunk?”

“I just had a few,” Hiccup. “Shots.”

“Describe where you are. I’m coming to get you.”

“I dunno, Marv. There are trees and houses.”

“Find a street sign. Can you do that for me?”

“Anything for you, Marvin.”

Marvin did eventually find Chase about half an hour later and, by that point, Chase had given up and had just slouched down on the grass in front of some random person’s house. Marvin held out his hands and pulled Chase up onto his feet. “Why did you do this, Chase? Was it something to do with that stuff you needed to think about?”

“What do you,” Hiccup. “Think?”

“Yes?”

“Duh, it’s your fault. All your fault.” Chase started to laugh again, stumbling right into Marvin’s chest. Marvin wrapped an arm around him to steady him and guide him back to the car. He even opened the door and helped him get inside. Marvin frowned and suddenly felt slightly nauseated upon hearing that _he_ was the problem. It wasn’t some sort of emotional relapse after Stacy but it was something _he_ had done. All he had wanted was to be there for Chase but did he push him too hard to speak about his problems?

“What did I do?” Marvin spoke quietly, too afraid to make things worse. If it really was his fault, he probably should have just shut up and not say a word.

“You were you,” Chase harshly poked a finger into the centre of Marvin’s chest. “Amazing, beautiful, perfect _you_.”

Marvin certainly hadn’t expected that. His mind flickered back to the time where they had kissed after Chase got intoxicated and his mouth fell open. “What do you mean?” He questioned, just wanting to ensure he was right before jumping to a conclusion.

“I _like_ you, Marv. I hate it and I’m not,” Hiccup. “Gay but you’re something else.”

“Chase, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I tried to avoid you because this is so fucking,” Hiccup. “Messed up. I’m straight and you’re my best friend.”

“You aren’t thinking straight. Let’s just get back home and we can forget everything you’ve said.”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you were gonna react like that. You hate me.”

“No, no, I don’t hate you,” At some point, Chase’s giggling had become loud sobbing. Marvin leaned over and cautiously wrapped an arm around his friend. “I could never hate you.”

“Yeah, right. Just kick me out or whatever. Do it quickly so I don’t have to think about it.”

“I’m not going to kick you out. I just think that this is some sort of rebound from Stacy. You think you love me but you actually don’t or something.”

“I know I like you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be this much of a,” Hiccup. “Mess over it. I just want everything to stop.” Chase pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head into them, sobs shaking his body.

“Chase...”

"Please don't talk to me. I'll leave- I- I'll get out of the car and leave you alone forever." Chase reached out with a trembling hand for the door handle but Marvin stopped him. He did that by cupping Chase's chin with his hands and turning his friend to face him so that he could momentarily attach their lips. Chase responded by wrapping his arms around Marvin's neck and deepening the kiss.

When they pulled back, both men were staring at each other with equally wide eyes. Marvin had been acting completely on an impulse, even though he thought the moment was the worst possible to admit the way he felt himself. “Shit.” Marvin mumbled, falling back in the driving seat and running a hand through his hair.

“Should I go?”

“No, let’s just go home.”

-

Marvin wasn’t going to let it go so easily that time. He knocked on Chase’s door just after lunchtime and let himself in. Chase was laying underneath his covers, staring up at the ceiling with a cold hand against his head. He had a glass of water and a box of pills on the side of his bed from where he had taken them to aid his hangover.

“We need to talk.” The magician started, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Marvin hadn’t really slept after he had brought Chase home because he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Chase might have had feelings for him. He would have never seen that coming, even if Chase was holding a large, flashing sign that said ‘I like you!’ Chase had passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow and woken up, confused as to how he had ended up tucked in bed.

“What about?” Chase asked, wincing as he sat up too. “Please be quick, I have a raging headache.”

“A hangover more like.”

“You- Yes, a hangover... Where you the one who put me to bed?”

“I was indeed. After we had a bit of a... talk. I actually want to talk about what you said.” Marvin was displaying nervous characteristics. He was fiddling with his hands in his lap and his eyes were continuously glancing around the room, as if he was afraid to make eye contact.

“What did I say this time?”

Marvin bit his lip and nervously placed a hand on Chase’s knee. “You basically said you liked me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ll start packing now.” Chase went to stand up but Marvin pulled him back down, staring at him through anxious eyes.

“You don’t need to. Do you want to know how I reacted?”

“Not particularly.” Chase chuckled but his nerves were clear in the way it was shaking. Marvin could feel how tense Chase was against his hand too. 

“I- I responded by...” Marvin trailed off, curling his hands into fists, as if that would help give him some courage. “I kissed you.”

“Are you joking? This isn’t funny, Marvin.”

Marvin let out a long breath before wrapping his arms around Chase’s neck and pulling him closer. He then kissed him again, just to prove his point. Chase was as white as a sheet when they pulled apart and he looked like he was going to faint if he stood up. Marvin placed his hand on top of Chase’s. “I like you too but I never knew you were gay so I never said anything.”

“I am not gay!” Chase yelled, rather defensively. “I married Stacy!”

“You know sexuality is more than just gay and straight, right? There’s pansexuality and bisexuality.”

“I don’t like dudes then. I never have. I’m straight.”

“Yeah because it’s straight to kiss another guy and have feelings for him.”

Unexpectedly, Chase hunched his shoulders over and put his head in his hands. He started to cry loudly, hating the fact that he was questioning so much about himself just after he had been a victim of serious abuse. Marvin pulled him closer and allowed him to cry into his chest. “You don’t need to know your identity right now, alright?”

“But I want to know.”

“It’s not easy but you will know one day, I promise you. For now though, what do you want to do about...” Marvin laced his hand into Chase’s for a moment and glanced at it so he wouldn’t have to put the feelings into words.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m ready after Stacy.”

“That’s okay. If you wanted to... I don’t know, be together... we could take it really slow and not tell anybody at first.” Marvin’s hope was apparent in the way his eyes were sparkling and he was looking at Chase almost pleadingly. Chase nodded.

“Okay, Marvin, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Of course.”

“Dad!” Alex yelled, poking his head around Chase’s bedroom door. Luckily Marvin and Chase were simply sitting beside each other in a way that looked completely platonic. Even the simple hand on Chase’s knee could be perceived as merely friendly. “Is it alright if Simon comes over after school tomorrow?”


	19. Chapter 19

“This is Jackieboy Man but we call him Jackie, Chase, my dad, Marvin, Henrik, Anti, JJ and Sammy, my little sister.” Alex explained, pointing at each of the people respectively. Simon watched closely but was lost as soon as he introduced Marvin.

“You have a gigantic family, man! It’s just me, my mum and my dad at home.” Simon replied. He barely reached Alex’s shoulders but was still taller than the ordinary person. He had blue eyes that were a slightly darker shade than Chase’s and his hair was cut fairly short and blonde. He had a skateboard tucked under his left arm and was wearing ripped jeans and a large Pokémon hoodie.

“You know what happened with mum so... yeah. We’re not blood-related but I still consider them family.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

Alex shrugged. “Nothing you could do, right?”

“Yeah... anyways, can I show you that game I brought over? You’re going to love it.”

-

“Alex...” Simon whispered as they were all eating pizza in front of the TV in the living room. Alex was sat directly beside him, devouring a slice of Hawaiian pizza. He just nodded at the mention of his name. “Is Chase like... dating the magician dude?” Alex followed his friend’s gaze and realised Chase and Marvin did seem to be acting rather flirty towards each other. Marvin had an arm around Chase and was shoving a piece of pizza into his face as they were both laughing. 

“No, no, no. They’re just really good friends,” Alex replied, although he could see why Simon was questioning their relationship. He had never really noticed just how close Marvin and Chase were until he pointed it out. “I have an idea!”

“Yeah?”

“How about a Mario Kart tournament?” Alex’s face lit up as soon as he announced the idea and everyone else seem quite intrigued with it too. The boy stood up and brushed a layer of dust off of the Wii console that probably hadn’t been used in at least a century. He pressed the power button and slipped the Mario Kart disc into its designated slot.

-

“Shit- Fuck- The- Shells!” Alex screamed as his character, Luigi, was hit by a blue shell. He had been leading up to that point but Simon’s Yoshi zoomed passed at the first opportunity. As Luigi started to move again and pick up speed, Alex leaned forward, holding the remote out in front of him as if that would push his character further. Jackieboy Man’s Peach was in third place whilst Henrik’s Toad was in tenth and slacking a considerable amount.

“Go Yoshi! Go Yoshi!” Simon yelled, pressing the acceleration button much harder than he really needed to. The players and the spectators were absorbed in the game almost too much but it didn’t matter because they were enjoying themselves. “Yes! Fuck you Luigi!” Simon jumped up as he crossed the finishing line, punching the air and dramatically sticking his tongue out at Alex.

“Did either of you send out that goddamn blue shell?” Alex turned and glared directly at Jackieboy Man and Henrik who had their eyebrows raised. Henrik looked a little bashful as he scratched the back of his neck and handed his remote to the next player, Marvin.

“It may have been me. I apologise.”

“Seriously! I was about to win!”

“You’re such a sore loser.” Simon chuckled, keeping a hold of his remote because he was the winner.

-

Simon ended up winning almost every single game he played and Alex knew he would never let Alex live his losing down. Simon would continuously taunt him about his losses for the rest of his life. 

“I’m obviously the best player,” Simon said, leaning against the frame of the front door. His skateboard was under his arm, ready to go. “I hope you had fun despite your terrible loss. Maybe next time I’ll let you win.”

“Never. I will win one day. It was that stupid blue shell Henrik sent out! I’m never going to forgive him,” Alex muttered, eliciting a loud laugh from his friend. “I did have fun though.”

“Me too. It was nice to kick your ass at something for once.”  


Alex scowled before letting out a little laugh himself to let Simon know he was only messing around. “See you at school on Monday!” 

“Bye, dude!” Simon stepped down and dropped his skateboard to the floor before skating off. Alex continued to wave as his figure disappeared in the distance.

-

Chase was at the supermarket, simply grabbing some milk, when he bumped right into someone. “I’m sorry!” He exclaimed, bending down and helping the person pick up the groceries she had stopped. Luckily it had only been a loaf of bread and some cheese. He looked up as he placed the bread back in her hands and met her eyes. He stumbled backwards, both his eyes and his mouth wide open in shock. She looked practically the same with the exception of the bags under her eyes. Her face looked surprisingly soft and it was unusual to see Stacy without her eyebrows creased in frustration. Chase could already feel a panic attack on its way with his legs being replaced with jelly and his entire body beginning to tremble. “I- I need to go.” His voice was much weaker and afraid than Chase had anticipated. He clenched his hands into fists, desperate not to succumb to the woman’s manipulating ways again. He was stronger now. He didn’t have to deal with her anymore.

“Chase, wait!” Stacy yelled, reaching out with the hand that wasn’t clutching the bread or cheese and grabbing his arm. Chase flinched but her grip wasn’t at all harsh... more desperate. “Please come home.”

All it took for Chase to muster up the courage to respond with exactly what was on his mind was a long, deep breath. “I can’t Stace. I’m so much happier with the other guys. They don’t treat me like dirt.” Chase was staring down at his converse shoes, his hands finding their way into his pockets. Just because he was feeling a little more courageous than usual didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous.

“You’re staying with them?” Chase nodded, hoping he wouldn’t regret the slip up in the future. Stacy knew Chase, Alex and Sammy’s location and she could easily come and cause trouble. He had thought his new living space would have been obvious, consider Chase didn’t have any other friends, but apparently not. “You know I don’t like them.”

“Yeah and so what? We’re not together anymore so you can’t control me. I want to stay with them so I will. It’s not up to you.”

“The marriage papers say otherwise. You’re legally still my husband.”

“That’s a piece of paper, Stacy. It doesn’t mean shit to me anymore. I’ll get divorce papers to you as soon as I can be bothered.”  


Stacy frowned, dropping her gaze to her feet. “There can’t be enough space for all of you. Are- Are Sammy and Alex safe and okay?”

“Yes and I swear, if you try and get in contact with Alex again, I will call the police, alright?”

“Yeah... I’m so sorry, Chase. I regret everything about the way I acted. Please... just come home. I won’t ever lay a hand on any of you again. I’ll just love you unconditionally, I promise...” Stacy’s voice was wobbling as if she was going to cry. Stacy crying was about as rare as seeing a unicorn. A real, live unicorn. Chase let out a small sigh and looked up into her fear-filled eyes. Despite her miserable, desperate appearance, all Chase could see was the monster who had temporarily made his life hell. A single tear dropped down her cheek, followed by a lot more until she was full on sobbing in the middle of Tesco’s. Chase remained silent as she dropped her groceries to the ground and pulled him into a hug, sobbing into his chest. “I made a mistake. I was an idiot but I- I can change. I’ll get better. I’ll go to anger management therapy or something just- just please come back. I need you, Chase and I need to know the kids are okay.”

“Since when did you care how we all were? You hated my guts when we were together. You made my life miserable and you- you abused me. I should have called the police on you but I didn’t, did I?”

“No, no, you didn’t. Thank you,” Stacy sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “Will you come home?”

“No, I’ve finally learnt what I deserve and I hope to never see you again.” Unexpectedly, Stacy’s arm jolted out and her fist game in contact with Chase’s face. The bottle of milk he had been holding tumbled to the floor as his hands moved to cover where he had been hit.

“I hope you know I never loved you,” Stacy’s tears had become angry. Her sorrowful, distraught self had completely vanished and been replaced with the same monster that chase had been (and still kind of was) married to for too long. Fourteen years too long to be exact. “I was hoping for this all along and- and even better, I hoped you’d kill yourself or something so no one would have to deal with you anymore and, you know what?” Stacy grabbed Chase’s collar and pulled it up, glaring into his panicked eyes. “I still hope you learn that you can’t live without me and do it. I hope you realise no one will ever love you and just give up already. Do the world a favour.” Tears dribbled out of the corners of Chase’s eyes but he tried to remain as cool as he possibly could. When Stacy let go, he brushed down his shirt and picked up his bottle of milk again.

“I won’t. I’m stronger than that. I’m stronger than you. I’m going to get through this and find someone who makes me really happy. You’re the one who’s going to die alone because, whenever anyone realises how much of a controlling bitch you are, they’re going to get up and leave. If you ever come near me or the kids again, I’m going to call the police on you.”

“Yeah, right. I know you still love me or you’d have called the police already.”

“You let yourself believe that,” Chase glances around to see if anyone had watched the scene unfold but the aisle was completely empty other than the pair. That was probably for the best. “Goodbye, Stacy.” Chase then barged passed the woman to the tills where he paid as quickly as possible so he could flee the shop.


	20. Chapter 20

Chase walked in the door and straight into the kitchen where his empty cup was sitting from when he realised they were out of milk. He dropped the tea bag in, along with the two sugars, before flicking on the kettle and waiting for it to boil. As he waited, he leant on the counter and ran back through his conversation with Stacy in his head. His left eye was quite sore but he could only hope he could find an excuse that would be satisfactory enough so the others wouldn’t worry or ask further questions. He planned to just say he had tripped and hit his head on the side of the table or something along those lines. The kettle boiled and he reached out, lifting it up and pouring the water into his cup. He watched the teabag swirl around in the cup as he stirred before lifting it out and dropping it into the bin. He poured in the milk and placed the spoon in the dishwasher before taking his tea into the living room.

Sammy was sitting on the sofa beside Marvin and Paw Patrol was playing on the television. It didn’t appear that either of their attention was on it though because Marvin was holding Sammy’s stuffed rabbit and unicorn and putting on funny voices. The rabbit’s one was Russian or something which was absolutely ridiculous and the unicorn spoke in the most high-pitched voice that Marvin could do. Neither of them noticed Chase standing there watching them so they continued.

“What is your name?” The unicorn said in its voice that was so high that Chase was surprised he could still hear it. “I am zee Bunsy Bun,” The rabbit then replied with its stupid accent. Sammy was clapping, in fits of laughter as the toys continued to talk to each other. “What an original name. I am Miss Rainbow-Princess. It seems my name is also very original.” Finally, Marvin turned his head to see Chase standing there, watching them with a cup of steaming tea in his hand. Chase waved a little, forgetting for a moment about the potential bruise covering his left eye.

“What happened to you?” Marvin questioned, handing the stuffed toys back over to Sammy who happily started to try and mimic the voices Marvin had been putting on. 

“Oh, nothing. I tripped and hit my eye on a table.” Chase replied with a surprising amount of confidence but Marvin wasn’t fooled. He reached forward and brushed the tip of one of his fingers over the purple colour. 

“Are you sure?” Chase’s eyes darted around the room and he started to fiddle with his hands: a sign he wasn’t telling the truth. “You’re lying.”

“Okay, I- I ran into Stacy in Tesco’s...” 

“You what?! Did she do this? That bitch.”

“Sammy’s in the room!” 

Marvin turned around and muttered an apology to the little girl who wasn’t even listening. She was fully enveloped in the little world she had created with Bunsy Bun and Miss Rainbow-Princess. “What happened?”

“She asked me to come home and I basically told her to fuck off.”

“How come you’re allowed to swear?!”

“It’s not like she’s paying attention and I’m her dad so...”

“Fine but how did that result in you getting a black eye?”

Chase lifted up his snapback and ran a hand through his hair before placing it back on his head. “I suppose she didn’t like it when I told her to fuck off? I said if she ever came near me or the kids again, I’ll call the police which I fully intend on doing.”

“Good,” Marvin reached down and laced their hands together. Chase warily glanced at Sammy who still wasn’t in the same world as them. “I hate her so much.”

-

Chase was sat at his computer. Originally, he had been editing his latest video but he had given up on that and was now searching through Google for different types of sexuality. The first ones he came across were the typical homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual but, as he looked further, he found terms that he wasn’t as familiar with. He clicked into a page that displayed something similar to a dictionary of terms all relating to the spectrums of gender and sexuality. 

He found pansexual was after the ones he knew, at the top, and his eyes scanned the definition. _When you are attracted to all genders and/or do not concern gender when you are attracted towards someone_. He scrolled further down to view some more, his curiosity suddenly multiplying. He figured out the term ‘questioning’ was used when someone was unsure and debating their own sexuality or gender. So he was currently questioning. He stumbled across the word asexual- _not experiencing sexual attraction_. That definitely wasn’t him but it was good to know for future reference. Once he reached the bottom of the page, he read through it again, settling on the term bisexual. What made him question whether it was the label for him was one simple sentence added onto the end of the definition: _Note that you do not have to be equally attracted to each gender_.

So, what he was contemplating, was whether he was bisexual with a preference for women. That would still mean he could have feelings for a man, like Marvin, but still be able to date and love women. A figure appeared in the doorway to his bedroom, making him anxiously slam his laptop shut a little too hard. “Daddy?” The little girl was obviously crying because she kept sniffing and rubbing her eyes. “Alex broke Bunsy Bun!”

“How?” Chase got up onto his feet, examining the poor rabbit whose arm had been torn right off. 

“I wouldn’t let him have it so he pulled it and I pulled it and his arm fell off.” Sammy let out a loud sob so Chase took her small hand into his own.

“I’ll talk to him, alright? And I’m sure someone in this house might be able to sew it back on for you,” He was slightly sceptical. No one in the house really seemed to have the presentation that suggested an ability to sew but he wouldn’t know for sure unless he asked around. “Alex!” Chase headed into the living room where Alex was sitting on his phone, typing away. “Why did you tear of Sammy’s rabbit’s arm?”

“I didn’t mean to. I was just teasing her and I didn’t think it would come off... I’m sorry, dad.”

“It’s alright but I doubt anyone here knows how to sew.” Alex shrugged, looking back down at his phone as Chase searched for any of his friends.

Marvin and Anti were the only ones home so Chase spoke to Marvin first, thinking he was the more likely of the two to be able to sew. “Marv, can you fix this by any chance?” He held up the poor, armless rabbit who had tuffs of stuffing hanging out the hole where its right arm would have been. 

“Not really... I can replace it?”

“I feel like she’d notice. Can any of the other guys sew?”

“Ask Anti.”

“...Alright?” Chase backed out of the room and into Anti’s whose just happened to be right opposite Marvin’s. “Can you fix Sammy’s rabbit?” He showed the stuffed toy to Anti who took it from him and examined it.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“You can sew?!”

“Wow, Chase, I thought you were better than judging books by covers.”

-

“Bunsy Bun!” Sammy squealed, hugging the rabbit against her chest before pulling an unexpected Anti into a hug too. His face was absolutely priceless to Chase who was in stitches, just watching Anti’s eyebrows raise in surprise. The demon didn’t exactly want to upset the child so he didn’t pull away, as uncomfortable as he was with the human contact. “Thank you, Unc-y Anti!”

“Uh, I’m not...” Anti started before trailing off. He might be seen as heartless from time to time but it was hard for anyone to see a child so small and naive upset.

“Thank you!” Sammy put on that Russian accent again and Anti burst out laughing.

“What the- What was that?”

“Marvin gave the rabbit that accent. Roll with it.”


	21. Chapter 21

It was the middle of the night and Chase was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring into his own eyes. They appeared to have their sparkle back because even he could tell he was in a better place than just a few weeks previous. He was hiding in the bathroom for a reason that was just a little bit different to his past habit.

Despite it being almost three in the morning, his body didn’t have its usual shakes that suggested he was in need of a certain something. He was still wearing a long-sleeved shirt to cover the scars but there was just more life to him in general. His hair was still dishevelled but because he had just been laying in bed rather than because he had been pulling it amidst a breakdown.

He opened his mouth slowly, whispering the words, “I’m bisexual,” as if to test the waters. Seeing the water was shallow and calm, he stepped in further, repeating the words but that time a little louder and with more confidence. He repeated it again and again until he reached the volume of his usual speaking voice. Someone knocked on the door so he yelled out, “I’m in here!” Then he took one final glance at his reflection with a small smile on his face and opened the door. He didn’t even take time to notice who was standing outside because he slipped passed them and headed straight back to his bedroom where he cried.

He sat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as tears trailed down his cheeks but they weren’t his usual tears of hopelessness and desperation. He was crying because he had finally figured it out. His name was Chase Brody and he was a bisexual man.

-

Reaching out and intertwining his own hands with Marvin, he whispered, “There’s something I need to tell you,” Marvin nodded, his eyes filled with concern. He placed a supportive hand on his boyfriend’s knee, letting him know that he could tell him absolutely anything. Chase knew he could tell Marvin anything. He knew it that time. “I’ve been thinking a lot... I even did some research because I’m just sad like that,” Chase closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath, mentally reassuring himself that Marvin was going to support him no matter what. “I think I’m bisexual.”

Despite knowing the door to the room was wide open and the other guys were at home, Marvin leaned forward and kissed Chase softly. It was short and only lasted a few seconds and, when he pulled back, he still remained close. When he whispered, “I love you, Chase, no matter who you are,” Chase could feel his warm breath against his face. It made him shudder slightly.

“I love you too, Marvin.” Chase smiled because he seriously meant it. The magician sitting in front of him had made him happier in about a week of dating than Stacy had done in so many years. He always knew exactly what to say in the bad moments and he could tell when Chase was lying and something was wrong with him. He didn’t shout or push him to speak when he didn’t want to and he was just so patient, even when Chase was having the panic attacks that would usually just make Stacy scream at him until he felt a hundred times worse. 

“Oh and, just so you know, doing research isn’t sad. I think it’s sort of a part of learning who you are.”

“What, spending hours looking through definitions of words you have never heard of before?”

“Yeah. Your research sounds slightly better than what I did when I was a questioning teenager.”

“What did you do?”

“You don’t want to know, man,” Marvin chuckled and Chase frowned for a second before putting two and two together and letting out a soft laugh of his own. “So... when do you want to come out to the others and your kids?”

“I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, I’ve literally just come to terms with my sexuality so I need more time.”

“I know. I’ll wait...” Marvin stood up and turned to leave. Without facing Chase, he muttered, “I don’t want to wait forever though, alright?”

-

Returning to his research, Chase was sifting through different methods of coming out. Most of them were directed at teenagers and their families and not fully grown men who had children which was a bit demeaning but he ignored that feeling. Most of the pages and articles basically just said that no one really cares all that much and coming out is for you, the not-completely-straight person, not the person you are talking to. They also reminded you to ensure the environment was safe and it wasn’t one where you could be potentially kicked out or disowned in anyway. Chase was fairly certain that Marvin would ensure he wouldn’t be disowned or kicked out so he was alright on that front.

Chase wasn’t sure if he was ready but he felt guilty making Marvin wait. He didn’t want Marvin to leave him and, although he thought that was an unlikely scenario, he still feared it. He closed his laptop and headed down into the living room, calling everyone. It was almost eight o’clock so most of them were hiding in their bedrooms but eventually everyone was sat on the sofa, including Alex who had brought Sammy down with him. Marvin was sat on the floor because there wasn’t enough space and he was hugging his legs, staring at Chase was a high amount of curiosity. Chase bit his lip and glanced around at everyone’s faces.

He fiddled with his hands, trying to give himself a mental pep talk. He was trying to remind himself that they were all the people who he loved and who loved him. They wouldn’t disown him after everything they had been through. He was sure of it. He took a shaky, deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. He knew everyone’s eyes were trained on him, probably worried because of how he was acting. Chase then opened his mouth and there wasn’t any going back. “There’s something I need to talk to you all about,” Marvin was staring at him with a wide smile on his face, encouraging him to continue, even though he felt like there was a possibility he would vomit at any moment. “You all know I was married to Stacy for a long time, a woman... well, I think it’s time for me to tell you that I like guys too. I identify as bisexual and am-“ Chase felt the urge to vomit and just raced into the nearby bathroom, slamming the door and locking it as quickly as possible before turning and throwing up the contents of his dinner. He started to sob, anxieties swirling around in his head and telling him that they all hated him after his confession. He gagged again, squeezing his eyes shut as an endless amount of tears trailed down his cheeks.

A knock sounded against the door and it just made him feel dizzy. He sat down on the floor and hugged his knees against his chest, his breathing raged. The world was spinning around him but he never wanted to leave the bathroom. “Dad?” Surprisingly, it was Alex who spoke. “I hope you know no one judges you. I still love you and Sammy doesn’t understand but she will always love you too. The guys all said they support you too and would even if you murdered somebody.”

“I’m not going to murder anybody.” Chase mumbled, just to let them know he was alive. He sniffed, rubbing his fists against his eyes. He hadn’t found the energy to stand up though. 

“We know which is... good but please come out, shit- not a pun-“ Chase started to laugh. He was still sobbing and pretty hysterical but he just started to laugh really enthusiastically. The pun wasn’t even that funny but it had just come at such a bad moment that it was almost good. It helped Chase forget about his panic for a few moments. “Just, come out, dad. I want to hug you. I know, I hate human contact and stuff but I’ll make an exception just for this moment. That must prove how much I love you, right?”

Chase finally stood up, his legs trembling. He leant on the wall for a moment, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass. It did eventually and he unlocked the door, practically tackled Alex into a hug. Everyone else joined in the hug, including Anti, and Chase had never felt more loved. When he backed up, he glanced down at the floor, exhaled deeply and said, “Oh and Marvin’s my boyfriend by the way.”

Everyone turned to stare at the magician with wide eyes. Marvin’s response was to wave at them all with a timid expression on his face.


	22. Chapter 22

“I’m so proud of you, Chase...” Marvin leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead gently. A soft, pink blush spread across the man’s cheeks. “I didn’t think you’d be able to come out for a while but you did it and- wow- I’m just so goddamn proud.”

“Thank you,” Chase glanced down at his lap where his hand was intertwined with Marvin’s. “I was kind of unsure about the whole thing but I thought I’d do it for you... to make you happy, I mean.” Chase expected Marvin to smile but, instead, he untangled their hands and frowned.

“Chase...”

“Yeah?” Chase honestly couldn’t see any reason for the magician to be upset with him. Even after running through what he had said repeatedly, he couldn’t find any faults.

“Did I make you feel pressured?”

“Well, a little, but it’s okay. That’s what I needed-“

“I’m really sorry. You should never feel pressured to do anything. If I ever make you feel like you have to do something, please tell me and I’ll shut up. I love you so much and I’d hate to force you into anything, especially coming out. That was so wrong of me. I’m so selfish...” Chase had never really seen Marvin so insecure but, in that moment, he looked more fragile than ever before.

“It’s okay though, Marvin. I’d do anything for you.”

“I just don’t want you to think you can’t say ‘no’, alright? I’m not like Stacy. You have a choice with every single thing in this relationship.”

“I know,” Chase threaded their fingers back together and leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend. Marvin separated their hands but, instead of it being for a negative reason, it was positive. He used one hand to wrap around Chase’s slim body and the other to push off Chase’s hat and thread through his hair. “I love you.” Chase whispered, his breathing heavy.

“I love you too.”

-

They were all sat in the living room around the Monopoly board. Alex had music blaring through a speaker and they were all in groups, working together to win the game. Alex was with Sammy (who wasn’t much help at all), Marvin with Chase, JJ with Anti and Henrik was with Jackieboy Man. Anti kept yelling at JJ to stop buying properties when their amount of money was minimal; Sammy just kept messing up Alex’s neat piles of money; Marvin and Chase were practically on top of each other and Henrik and Jackieboy Man were the only ones playing properly.

Alex rolled a nine, pushing the dog piece along the board to a chance space. Alex and Sammy had three hotels on the orange properties and a handful of houses on the pinks so, when Alex flipped over the chance card, he let out a long groan at an unnecessarily loud volume. 

_Make general repairs on all your property: for each house pay $25, for each hotel pay $100._

Alex glanced down at the money in front of him and Sammy. One mere twenty and a fifty and about five ones. “Nope.”

“You give up?” Marvin taunted, smirking as he looked down at his and Chase’s piles of money.

“Yep. We’re losers,” Alex stood up, walking right over to the left over pizza and picking up a slice. He took a bite with a very disappointed look on his face. “You know what, I blame Sammy.”

“Blame the child, of course.”

Anti rolled for him and JJ, getting a six that landed them straight in jail. JJ sent him a glare which he replied with, “What! Do you think I can magically control what I roll?!”

In the end, Chase and Marvin dominated. They knocked JJ and Anti out a couple of rounds later with their hotel on a dark blue and then Henrik and Jackieboy Man not long later when they landed on the same spot. They jumped up onto their feet and screamed about their victory as everyone else pouted and told them to stop showing off.

They wrapped their arms around each other and shared a kiss whilst everybody covered their eyes. “Disgusting.” Alex joked.  


“You’re just salty because you came last.” Chase replied with a short laugh.

“You’re right there, dad.”

“I vote round two!” Henrik yelled, making the entire group groan. The game had already lasted an unnecessary amount of time and no one wanted to play again except the doctor who was the sorest of all losers.

“No one wants that, Schneep.” Jackieboy Man said to his partner, reaching for a slice of pizza. As everyone laughed and smiled together, Chase couldn’t help but think about how far he had come.

Just a few months ago, he had reached the lowest of lows. He had just escaped an abusive wife with his two kids and was self harming and getting drunk regularly. Sure, his depression wasn’t cured completely but he could safely say that he was happier. He no longer felt hopeless and he was excited for what the future was going to hold. Marvin leant closer to him and kissed his cheek before whispering a small, “You alright?” into his ear.

Chase nodded, glancing at JJ and Anti who were bickering again. It was quite amusing to watch because Anti was glitching as he yelled and JJ was signing so fast that his hands were almost a blur. Jackieboy Man was sitting a couple of metres away, laughing so hard that he was crying as Henrik did the same. Alex was talking to Sammy and trying his best to attempt that Russian accent that Marvin had given Sammy’s rabbit and the little girl was enjoying every moment, giggling and clapping for more.

Chase wasn’t sure where he’d be without his friends and children but he didn’t want to dwell on that. What he wanted to focus on was what he had in that moment. Despite what he had been through, he didn’t want to change a thing about his life. Feeling Marvin grab his hand and hearing all of his friend’s laughter over the loud music, Chase sighed a happy, satisfied sigh.

He was finally content.


End file.
